The New Guy
by The White Dwarf
Summary: New York City's most infamous vigilante has been invited to join the Titans. Seven heroes, and a city full of villains. What else could you ask for?
1. Arrival

The New Guy

Disclaimer: If a tree falls in the forest, and nobody's around, and it hits a mime, does anyone care?

Author's Notes: Okay, simple enough. A new member is assigned to the Teen Titans, one of my two favorite characters from the Marvel Universe. I just thought this would be kinda cool. Which hero? What do you want me to do, spoil the surprise?

Chapter 1: Arrival

Robin sat in the main computer center of the Tower of Titans, finishing up his latest entry into the main database. It had been two weeks since Terra had returned and officially joined the team, and the leader of the Teen Titans had put off entering her data into the computer long enough. Robin leaned back in his seat, gave a sigh of contentment, and hit the save key.

No sooner had the "File Saved" message appeared then a communication window opened. A video transmission materialized, the header declaring that it was a priority message from the Watchtower, the orbital base of operations for the Justice League. The image of a man appeared on the monitor, but he was cloaked in shadow. Only his eyes were visible, almost seeming to glow with their own light. Twin horns topped his head, giving the specter an almost demonic appearance.

Robin just smiled. "Hey, boss man! It's been a while!"

Batman nodded in reply. "Indeed it has. I see you've made a change to the team roster."

Robin gulped. "Uhhh…that's not a problem, is it?"

"No. Terra will be an excellent addition to the Teen Titans. You made a good choice."

__

How could he know who she is? I just logged that report! Well, that's the boss for you… "Thank you, sir."

"The reason I called is over a similar matter…"

"Another new member?"

"Yes. Meet him on the tower roof at sunset. He will be a valuable asset."

Robin snapped off an almost-mocking salute. "Yes…" The transmission ended. "Sir."

"So, tell me again, what do we know about this guy?"

"Okay, Beast Boy. I'll tell you again. We know absolutely _NOTHING!_ All we know is that this guy was sent by the Justice League, and they're our bosses, and we do as they say!"

"All right, all right, you don't need to bite my head off…"

The six current members of the world's greatest pre-adult crime-fighting force were waiting on the roof, as per the instructions Robin had conveyed. Beast Boy was getting impatient. After all, they had been waiting for ten whole minutes. After a few moments of silence, Terra spoke up.

"Hey, there's a helicopter headed this way! I'll bet he's on it!"

Cyborg shook his head. " Nah, that's a news chopper on traffic duty, it passes every day. There's no sign of him… but then again, we don't know what powers he has, so we don't know what signs to look for."

Beast Boy's eyes lit up. "Hey, yeah! We don't know what he can do… holy cow! I bet he's invisible! He's watching us right now!" Beast Boy whipped around, eyes wild, seeking some sign of his target. "I'll find him!" An instant later, a green bloodhound was scampering around the roof, barking madly. The dog scrabbled to a halt before the other Titans, turned back into Beast Boy, and spoke quickly. "There's no trace! Apparently he's a master of invisibility AND he leaves no scent trail…"

"Or…he just isn't here yet." Beast boy turned around at Cyborg's comment, grinning sheepishly. The other Titans looked at him with a mixture of amusement and annoyance, with the exception of Starfire, who merely looked amused, and Raven, who merely looked annoyed.

Beast Boy sought a way to take the heat off himself… and found one. "Look!" he shouted, pointing up at the helicopter. The others turned to see what had him so excited. A small, humanoid shape had detached itself from the aircraft's underside, and was now plummeting towards the tower in total free fall.

"Um…I am not certain that this action was intentional. Shall I catch this person?"

Raven shook her head at Starfire's suggestion. "If that's our man, then either he knows what he's doing or he's stupid. Either way…"

Robin nodded. "Raven's right. Let's see what happens…"

The seemingly suicidal figure plunged past them, giving them a brief instant in which to catch a glimpse of red and blue. All six members of the team leapt for the edge of the roof, but there was no trace of the stranger. Robin was trying to decide what he'd tell Batman, when a loud "Whoo-hoo!" from the other side of the roof caught their attention.

As they whipped around, they caught sight of a blur shooting up into the air. As his flight slowed, the Titans were able to see some kind of rope tethering him to the side of the building. The newcomer arced gracefully above the roof, and landed with incredible precision on the communications tower. The Titans stared at this bizarre arrival, and he studied them in turn.

Now that the stranger was close and standing still, the Titans could pick out a few details. Red and blue were the dominant colors on his costume, a tight fitting bodysuit and fully enclosing mask. Black stripes marked out a web pattern and surrounded the white plastic lenses that covered his eyes. A stylized black spider on his chest completed the look. He stared at them for a moment more, before launching into the air again and landing a few feet away from Robin.

The newest addition to the Teen Titans straightened, adjusted the duffel bag slung over his shoulder, and met Robin's gaze eye to…mask to mask. After a moment's hesitation, he stuck out his hand.

"Hi. I'm the new guy."

Robin grinned, and shook New Guy's hand. "And what's your name, O Maker of Incredibly Cool Entrances?"

"Well, I've been known to some as Spidey, Wall-Crawler, Web-slinger, and that freaky bug guy in the mask, but I'm just your friendly neighborhood Spider-Man."

During all this, Beast Boy looked almost ready to pop. He finally snapped, and ran up to Spider-Man. "Dude! That was so awesome! You were, like, falling and stuff and we thought you missed and splatted on the ground but you didn't and…"

Spider-Man glanced at the others. "Is he always like this, or did he chug a bag of sugar?"

"Both," Robin sighed.

"C'mon, man," Cyborg said, walking toward the door that led within. "We'll show you to your room."

"Hey, nice digs," Spider-Man said, as they passed through the living room.

"Saving the world may not pay well, but the perks are excellent!" Robin laughed. "Your room's down that hall, fourth on the left. Check it out; drop off your bag. We'll be out here."

Spider-Man thanked him and disappeared down the indicated hallway. After he had gone, Robin turned to his teammates, silently questioning.

Cyborg grinned. "I think I'm gonna like this guy."

An hour later, the members of the team were spread throughout the living room and kitchen. Robin was explaining what an average day as a Teen Titan was like, what was generally expected of a team member. Cyborg and Beast Boy had quickly lost interest in the conversation, and resumed some sort of grudge-match they had going on their Gamestation. They perked up, however, when Terra asked "So what was that rope thing you were swinging on?"

"What spider is complete without a web?" To prove his point, Spider-Man raised his right arm. He made a slight gesture with his hand, and a blast of gray goo shot out from his wrist, solidifying into a natural rope before snagging a bag of chips on the counter. A slight jerk, and the bag was in his hand. "Tostitos, anyone?"

Starfire was studying the thread of webbing. "And you trust this 'web' to support your weight?"

"Sure! It's been proven that spider web is five times stronger than a bar of steel with equal diameter (True science fact, kids! Use this fic as a study guide!). I'm not sure, but I think mine may be even stronger."

Robin nodded. "Webs, jumping really high, anything else we should know about?"

"Remember how I said I was called 'Wall-Crawler'?" Suddenly, Spider-Man wasn't there anymore. He was clinging to the ceiling. Not from a ceiling light or air vent, to the smooth, painted surface of the ceiling itself. He dropped back to his seat. "Enhanced strength, speed, reflexes, and agility. Not only that, but I have a sort of sixth sense. I can see a punch coming before the guy knows he's gonna throw one. Even from behind me, or far away."

"That sounds like a useful skill."

"Yeah, it's saved my butt more times than I care to remember," Spider-Man answered. The masked hero's hand seemed to twitch. He took a sip from the can of soda that had suddenly appeared within his gloved grip, raising his mask enough for the can to reach his mouth without revealing any part of his face. "Thanks, Cyborg."

The other Titans stared, eyes wide. Cyborg, in a fit of mischief, had tossed a can of soda at the back of Spider-Man's head, hoping to put the newcomer's claim of prescience to the test. Without missing a beat the arachnid had reached behind his head and caught the can out of midair, all in one smooth motion. His move had been too fast to track with the naked eye.

"Uhhh…nice catch, dude." Beast Boy said, first to recover.

"Um…sorry, man. I just wanted to…"

"No problem. I'll just get you for it later. Oh, yeah, and Terra, before you even ask, you're holding up three fingers."

An hour or so later, Cyborg and Beast Boy were still playing video games, while Robin and Spider-Man were swapping stories about their heroic careers ("Dude, there's no way the Lizard was as bad as the Man-Bat.") The girls were listening and commenting as they chose. All was at peace.

And then suddenly the peace was broken. "BOOYAH! Who da robot? I da robot! Who da robot?"

Beast Boy leapt out of his chair. "I demand a rematch! That was a fluke! I was blinded for a second there by your shiny bald head!"

"Ha! Excuses, excuses. Just admit I'm better, furball!"

"Sorry, my momma didn't raise a liar. If you're so much better than me, then you won't be afraid to play a rematch, Tin Man!"

"Bring it on, meat!"

"I'm going to make tofu out of you!"

"Don't you even get started with that tofu junk!"

As the verbal battle raged and the two combatants got in each other's faces, Robin sighed. "Y'know, I have yet to find a good way to break up one of these fights."

Spider-Man stared at his teammates as they bickered over their game. "So this happens a lot?"

Starfire smiled, closed her eyes, and recited from memory. "In a moment, they will change their topic from dining preferences to a 'Who Screwed Up the Worst' contest. That will last for a few minutes before…"

As if on cue, Beast Boy could be heard to say, "Well, what about that time you…"

Starfire continued. "…They begin arguing over who has lost the most items. One of them will likely say something that makes one of us wish to cause them bodily harm in the near future. "

"…My CDs, the remote, that block of cheese we found under your bed two weeks later, Raven's diary…"

"I didn't lose that! I put it back to save your lousy butt!"

"**What** did you just say?!"

"Ummm…oops?"

Star waited for Raven to finish hurting them before resuming her narration. "Once they recover, the fight will degenerate into name-calling and what Robin calls 'one-upping'."

"Chrome dome!"

"Bottom feeder!"

"Bolts for brains!"

"Meat bag!"

"Grease monkey!"

"Oh, you're one to talk…"

Spider-Man shook his head. "I'll take that as a 'yes'. Would you like me to…?" He trailed off, waiting for Robin's permission to…do whatever he was planning.

"Be my guest."

Spider-Man rose, and said in a patronizing tone loud enough to be heard over the shouting match, "Oh children, If you don't stop fighting, you'll get a time out." Beast Boy and Cyborg paused and stared at Spider-Man like he had grown an extra head, then resumed their "discussion".

Spidey glanced back at the other Titans. "I tried to be nice."

He bounded into the air. His leap carried him clear across the room, to land seated on the sofa. As he descended, he spread his legs into a split, and snapped them together upon landing. The scissors kick caught both Cyborg and Beast Boy behind their legs, flipping them to fall over backwards. As they fell, Spider-Man's hands shot out and caught the pair on their backs. A slight push, a flick of the wrist, and the errant Titans found them face down with their backs against the ceiling. Before they fell, a spray of webbing snared them both in place. "Can't say I didn't warn you."

The arachnid avenger turned and gave a small bow as Robin, Terra, and Star laughed and applauded. Even Raven was unable to conceal a smile.

Beast Boy was continuously changing forms, seeking a quick escape from the adhesive strands, but to no avail. Cyborg tried a different approach.

"Okay, man, we get the point. We'll quit. Now let us down, alright?"

"Sorry, did I forget to mention? That stuff is too strong for even me to rip, not fresh. Don't worry, though, it'll biodegrade enough for you to tear free in a few hours. And on that note, who's ready to hit the sack?"

"_What_?!!"

"Y'know, it is getting kind of late. Maybe we should go to bed."

"Aw, man, not you too, Rob!"

"Have, a pleasant night, friends!"

"Star, c'mon! You can't just leave us here!"

Beast boy stopped swapping forms and looked to his crush and foil for aid. "Terra, Rae, c'mon! You'll help us down, right?" He morphed into his most sickeningly sweet kitten form, hoping "the face" would win them over.

Terra giggled. Raven merely sighed. "If you two can't rip that stuff, what makes you think we can?"

"Crud."

Cyborg was alternating between yelling insults, threats, and pleas as the non-webbed Titans passed the doorway leading to the bedrooms. As they disappeared through, Cy could only think of one last thing to say.

"Yeah, you _better_ run!"

And then a shot of web zipped through the door and sealed Cyborg's mouth shut with pinpoint accuracy.

A/N: Couple of clarifications: I'm using a fairly generic Spider-Man/Peter Parker, mostly based on the Ultimate Spider-Man comics. This means that he's about 15 or 16, but there is one major difference: he has spinnerets in his wrists like in the movie, as opposed to home-made web shooters. I just like that better. One other difference, which won't come into play for several chapters: I'm using the cool armored Green Goblin from the movie, but it isn't Norman Osborn in there. It'll be a disgruntled scientist from Oscorp. This will just cut down on later complications.

Another thing: In this fic it may seem that Spider-Man is taking over the Titans. Y'know, always saving the day, never fouling up, all that. Well, that's because he's the star of the fic. I don't intend him to be the best, or infallible, it's just that he's central to this story. If I had a good, long idea that didn't require Spider-Man, it would be it's own separate fic. Besides, do you think the show includes every fight or mission they go on? Neither does my fic. Stuff happens, Spidey saves the day, fouls up, isn't around. I just don't include those times.

After the first few chapters, the stories will become as separate as episodes on TV. Okay, now go and review. Thanks!


	2. Test of Strength

The New Guy

Disclaimer: If Jimmy cracks corn, and no one cares, why is there a song about him?

A/N: I had some trouble formatting chapter one. I had a small series of characters I like to use to denote scene changes, and they stayed in place when I converted from Microsoft Word to HTML, but they disappeared when I loaded it to This time, the markers are more important to understanding the events, so as a fail-safe I switched to different symbols and added several blank lines before and after each divider. If anyone knows how to fix that problem, please tell me in a review. And if you don't know, please review anyway. Here goes nothing…

Chapter Two: Test of Strength

Morning came bright and early at the Tower of Titans. Then again, if it came dark and late, it wouldn't be morning, would it…whatever.

In any case, the Titans awoke as they always did. Robin was already awake, long years spent training with the Batman leaving him without the need for more than a few hours shuteye. Starfire rose cheerful, smiling, and ready to greet the day. Yes, that's right, she was one of the dreaded morning people. Raven, on the other hand, was ready to telekinetically strangle anyone who so much as said "hi" the wrong way. Terra was caught in the middle of two extremes, awaking grumpy but quickly calming down. Spider-Man, waking up in a strange bed, took a few seconds to remember where he was.

Cyborg woke up, switched his mechanical half from "standby" to "active", and returned to his pondering of the night before: should he kill the new guy? And would a meat-feast breakfast get rid of the taste of webbing? That left Beast Boy. Well, he wasn't awake yet.

It was a bit odd, though. One could hardly imagine how he had managed to fall asleep plastered to the ceiling. Or how he didn't wake up as the web slowly dissolved away. In any case, he was now hanging from the ceiling by one foot, snoring like a ripsaw as he slowly twisted back and forth.

"Should I get him down?

"Why bother? Now I can make breakfast without him trying to switch the bacon for tofu."

Spider-Man stepped toward the 'fridge, reaching for the door. "Sounds good to me. Hey, do you guys get whole milk or skim?"

The others all whipped around wide-eyed as he started to pull.

"_Don't open that_…" Too late. "…door…"

"_Woah!_" Spider-Man slammed the door shut and leaned against it, clutching his chest like he was having a heart attack. "Something in there snapped at me!"

Beast Boy awoke at Spidey's yell, morphing into a wolf in response to an unknown threat, and landing as a crumpled heap as the few remaining web strands snapped under the sudden weight.

Raven took a sip of her tea, perhaps to hide her amusement. "Go ahead, Robin. Explain how the deli meat has evolved into a higher life form."

"Just tell me this much: am I crazy, or did I really see the bacon grazing on the lettuce?"

"Yes, and probably, but not necessarily in that order."

Cyborg chuckled as he started to pull breakfast food out of a cooler on the floor. Spider-Man was still staring at the icebox like he was afraid it would attack him. "Y'know, that orange juice still looked drinkable."

"That was milk."

##########&&&&&##########

Spider-Man swung down and landed softly against the building's side. It was a beautiful day, he was five stories up, and he was feeling _good_.

This was starting to look like a pretty sweet deal. The Titans were respected and admired as heroes and do-gooders, a nice change from being labeled "Masked Menace". He no longer had to balance work, school, a social life, and his duties as a superhero. There was only rest, relaxation, stopping the occasional super-baddie, and hunting down petty crooks when he wanted a stress reliever. And the cherry on top of it all was the three attractive female roommates. Spidey chuckled quietly as he remembered the little conversation he'd had with Cyborg earlier.

##########Commence Flashback##########

The massive robot had pulled his new teammate aside, looking a bit unsettled.

"What's up, Tin Man?"

"……….."

"Something wrong?"

"…Not really. I just figured it was only fair to warn you about something."

"Like what?"

"I really don't know what your style is with this sort of thing, but… when it comes to girls, you better look outside the tower."

This was most certainly not what Spidey was expecting. "And why's that?"

"Don't take it the wrong way, man. You want to try, be my guest. But here's my point: make a move on Star, Robin'll rip you a new one. Make a move on Terra, Beast Boy will commence the trampling. Make a move on Raven…. Well, I don't know what she'd do to you, but I'd bet money that it would make having a red-hot poker covered with fire ants shoved up your ass look like a picnic."

##########End Flashback##########

Spider-Man grinned beneath his mask as he surveyed his new territory. Even with the threat of red-hot pokers and fire ants, life was looking up. He could finally start to relax… then a parked car exploded.

##########&&&&&##########

"Titans! Trouble!" Robin tore into the living room like a bat's protégé out of Hell. "The H.A.E.Y.P. (A/N: Hive Academy for Extraordinary Young People, it scares me that I remembered that.)

have been spotted downtown, near the pizza parlor!"

Cyborg rose, as did the other Titans. "Those losers again? They better not harm one brick on that pizzeria, or there're gonna answer to me!" He collapsed his arm into a massive cannon. "Not to mention my trusty boomstick."

"Wait, friends! Where is Spider-Man? Will he not accompany us into battle?"

Raven answered. "He's still exploring the city. Something tells me he'll find trouble before we do."

##########&&&&&##########

Three rather odd-looking individuals were strolling casually down the street, blowing up anything that annoyed them. Or was in their way. Or whatever.

Citizens fled in terror before their implacable advance as they approached one of the Teen Titans' favorite hangout spots, the pizzeria. A little carnage here would bring the Titans out of their tower like a bat out of… oh, wait, I already used that one. Uh, like a lemur out of a blender…. Forget it. Really fast, okay?

As they got closer to the target, the agents of the H.A.E.Y.P. found themselves on a nearly deserted street, the few who didn't run crouching behind parked cars and whatever meager cover they could find. And that was when Spider-Man entered the scene. He leapt down to land on the street, with the restaurant to his back and the goon squad before him, and quipped, "I guess it's too much to hope that you guys are just here for a slice with the works, huh?"

Jinx's trademark smirk widened into a full-blown grin. "And who is this clown?"

Mammoth chuckled and punched one massive fist into the other. "My money's on this worm being the new Titan we were told about."

Gizmo sneered at the red and blue figure crouched on the street before them. "This scuzz-munchin', zit-lickin', barf-brain? Yeah, right!"

"Awwww, did you come up with that all by yourself? That's cute." Spider-Man stood, looking relaxed but ready to move in any direction at an instant's notice. "I know who you are. I've heard all about you. I've seen stories about you on TV. Let me guess… Larry, Moe, and Curly."

The people hiding and watching the events before them snickered at that. The vandals on the street were aghast that anyone would dare mock them, but the Capeless Crusader wasn't done yet. "No? How about Dumb, Dumber, and Dumbest? Plum Ugly, Butt Ugly, and Real Ugly?" The snickers were full-blown laughs now.

"We are the H.A.E.Y.P."

"We are here to send a message to your teammates."

"And this is attack pattern beta."

##########&&&&&##########

"Oh, no. They learned the next letter of the Greek alphabet," Raven deadpanned. "They'll surely kill us all now."

The other Titans were with her watching the events unfold from a building roof. It was Robin's suggestion that they wait for a few moments, to see how their new teammate handled pressure. After all, when things went sour, he would have back up within a few seconds.

##########&&&&&##########

"Oh, yeah, right. Time to see if you live up to your own HAEYP." (A/N: Get it? Hype? Say it out loud.)

"I'm so going to enjoy this." Jinx's eyes glowed an incandescent purple, and a pulse of energy rippled out from her feet. Spider-Man readied himself for when his Spider Sense would flare and warn him of whatever Jinx had unleashed. And then the street ruptured beneath his feet. A canyon opened in the asphalt, ten yards long and wide enough to drop Spider-Man into a split that would make the most stalwart of men go "Ooooowwwww…."

"Limber. By the way, if you can feel a breeze coming from underground, that's because I just ruptured the pizzeria's gas main."

A small, rather harmless-looking arm extended from Gizmo's tech-pack and curled over his shoulder. A less than harmless-looking laser was mounted on the end. "Happy trails, scum-sucker!" With that, he fired one shot into the rift. Instantly, a massive sheet of flame rose from the shattered pipeline and chargrilled anything in the vicinity. After a few seconds, Gizmo tossed a few small orbs into the fire, which immediately dispersed into clouds of fire retardant gas. "I like that pizza parlor," he said, by way explanation.

##########&&&&&##########

"Wait and see what happens, huh?"

##########&&&&&##########

"Oh, wonderful!" As the flames had ignited, Spider-Man had leapt ten feet straight up, then web-lined to the wall. He leapt down from his perch on a building's side, apparently unharmed except for a few wisps of smoke coiling up from his tights. In any case, his sarcasm generator was in working order. "My tuckuss is singed! I now have a singed tuckuss! You don't know how much I appreciate that!"

"Tenacious little insect, aren't you?" Jinx growled. "Maybe you'll take some effort to squash after all."

"News flash, Pinky: spiders are arachnids. By the way, Dennis Rodman wants his stylist back." Gizmo and Mammoth both had a pretty good laugh at that one.

"Hey, Shorty, if I were you, I wouldn't give up my day job as Gary Coleman's footstool." Gizmo stopped laughing, but Mammoth was doubled over.

"Don't even get me started on you, Tiny. I'm not sure where to begin, but I've narrowed it down to your face and the fact that I can smell your breath from here." Gizmo and Jinx shifted uncomfortably. "He, um, has a point Mammoth. We've been meaning to talk to you about using mouthwash…"

"Forget this. Waste the bug!"

Gizmo snapped out his tech-pack's wings and fired off his rockets, jetting across the ground toward Spider-Man with lasers blasting. Before the bolt of light had crossed the distance, Spider-Man had vaulted impossibly high in the air, nimbly avoiding the attack. As he fell, he snared Gizmo with a webline and was dragged along for the ride. As the diminutive inventor gained in speed and altitude, weaving through buildings to make another attack run on the target he thought was still on the street, Spidey hand-over-handed his way up the rope. It wasn't until he felt a hand on his shoulder that Gizmo realized he had a passenger. "Hey, where's my little bag of mixed nuts?"

"AAAaaahhhhhh! Getoffgetoffgetoff! …"

"Is there an in-flight movie?"

"Getoffgetoffgetoff!…"

"When does the stewardess bring out the sodas?"

"Getoffgetoffgetoff!…"

"Oh, all right, you big whiner, I'll get off if you'll shut up." And without further ado, Spider-Man bounced off of his impromptu pilot's back.

Okay, now Gizmo was confused. He wasn't about to run into something… was he? No. Then why… he looked over his shoulder. The freak in the spandex was perched on a flagpole waving cheerily… and there was a line of webbing leading from the flagpole to Gizmo's tech-pack. _Oh, snot…_

##########&&&&&##########

"Dude's got some slick moves."

##########&&&&&##########

Gizmo's momentum was enough to snap the straps holding on his pack, meaning that for a brief moment he was flying without wings. He sailed through the air head-over-heels, screaming incoherently the whole time. As luck would have it, he smacked straight into Jinx, putting them both down for the count.

##########&&&&&##########

"Not her lucky day, huh?"

"Think he planned that?"

##########&&&&&##########

Spider-Man landed a few paces away from the last of the H.A.E.Y.P. team. This upstart tights-wearin' little vermin was starting to annoy Mammoth, and the genetically engineered bruiser, preferring to keep things simple, had a strict policy of "smash whatever annoys me".

Spider-Man wasn't helping. "Hey, Slappy, I figured out where to start. Okay, here goes: your breath could strip the paint off a footlocker. Your breath draws more flies than your feet, which is saying something. And finally, your breath smells worse than a laundry cart full of jock straps at a fat camp."

As the hero had planned, that drove his opponent into a wild charge, with the sole objective of reducing him to a bloody smear on the pavement. The exact sort of attack he had been dealing with almost every other week for about two years. Spider-Man simply leapt back from Mammoth's first clumsy swing, and began the technique that had made him famous in New York. He began to leap and twist his way around every attack thrown at him, continuing a running stream of trash talk and battle banter, occasionally punctuating his comments with a heavy blow. Dodge, dodge, dodge, mock, punch. Dodge, dodge, dodge, mock kick. Dodge, dodge, kick, mock, punch, dodge.

"Face it Sluggo, I'm just too fa-" Mammoth snapped out to the side and managed to grab one of Spidey's ankles. "-reaking stupid to know when to shut my fat yap."

Spider-Man was now dangling by one leg from Mammoth's huge fist. Gizmo and Jinx had managed to untangle themselves, and were glaring down at him with rage smoldering in their eyes. "Would you believe me if I said I was impressed with your group, and was fighting you in order to prove myself worthy of joining you?"

"No."

"Damn. You aren't as dumb as I had hoped."

Mammoth raised his captive so that they were face to face. "Y'know, when I was little…"

Even Jinx and Gizmo got in on that one. "You were little?"

Mammoth growled and continued. "…I always liked to pull the wings off flies and the legs off spiders. Want to give it a try? Of course, I'm a little out of practice, so it could be messy…"

"Do I get any last words?"

"Uh… I guess, why not?"

"Great, because I wanted to ask you, how does my boot taste?" And with that, Spider-Man smashed his free leg into Mammoth's chin with enough force to crush a cinder block (Not the supervillain Cinderblock, the normal kind). Mammoth staggered back a step, but then looked down at his captive and gave a low growl. "Uhhhh… I think you kinda missed your cue. You were supposed to fall down. Okay, no problem, let's try again." He let rip with another massive kick to the face, with similar results. Spidey followed up with a volley that left his tormentor reeling, but it looked like it just made him mad. "Please fall down…"

##########&&&&&##########

"Okay, let's move."

##########&&&&&##########

Mammoth replied by swinging Spider-Man into a lightpost, which buckled and collapsed. "That wasn't so bad!…" Then a brick wall, which also buckled and collapsed. "I… barely… felt that!…" Then a parked car. Then a window. Then a concrete park bench. Then the wall again. Then a fire hydrant. "I… I think you… you've had enough… so I'm… I'm gonna give you… one chance … give up quietly…"

"I suggest you take his advice." The H.A.E.Y.P. looked up from their new chew toy to see the other six Titans arrayed before them, Robin in the lead.

"About time you pit-sniffers showed up! Thought you were gonna let us kill your little pal here."

Mammoth tightened his grip on the battered hero's leg and clamped his other hand around Spider-Man's head. "One false move and I crush his skull like a grape."

Now that the Titans were closer, they could see that Spidey was worse off than they had realized. While it looked like no major bones were broken, he was bruised and scratch-blood was beginning to stain his uniform a dark purple in places. His tights were a bit ripped up, and they could see a tuft of brown hair sticking out of a hole in his mask. Cyborg raised his gun arm, pointing it at Mammoth's face. "That hand twitches the wrong way, and you'll spend the next week searching for your teeth."

For a moment, no one said a word. Jinx eventually spoke up. "It seems that we have a standoff."

"No. We don't." Everyone's gaze immediately shot to the speaker; the one whom everyone had assumed was unconscious. "It's much easier to play 'possum when nobody can see your face." Spider-Man's hands shot out, snatching at Mammoth's waist. And it was then that he unleashed the most cheap, dirty, and lethal move known to schoolyard fighting: the MOAW (Mother Of All Wedgies). Mammoth suddenly discovered the elastic to his boxers was up to his armpits, and he let out a howl that shook the pillars of Heaven. Or at least of Cleveland. No, that wasn't supposed to make sense.

In any case, Mammoth lost his grip on Spider-Man, who dropped and used a handspring to reach his teammates. "What kept you?"

Jinx swore under her breath, this was going from bad to worse. Six of the Titans were ready to fight, fresh and unhurt. The one that was hurt had done well to smack the villains around all on his own. She was battered, Gizmo was left with only his auxiliary pack, and Mammoth was… incapacitated. And his boxers had little pink bunnies on them. She took the time for a quick prayer that Gizmo had a camera, then made her decision: time to go.

"Next time, Titans." The three mercenaries turned and started to walk away, Mammoth moving with a distinct waddle. Gizmo dropped a gas bomb, and by the time the smoke cleared, there was no sign of the terrible trio.

Spider-Man stood still, remaining in a fighting stance. "They're gone?"

"Yeah, they ran off like cowards! You were awesome, man!"

"They're not coming back?"

"No, they'll head back to base to nurse their wounds. You did well."

"You're sure?"

"Uh, yeah… why?"

"Oh, good. That means I can do this." And without another word, Spider-Man collapsed in the street.

##########An hour or so later##########

"My scanners say he just needs to recover for a few hours. Raven healed most of his physical wounds, so that just leaves sleeping off the concussion. And he muttered something about being injured worse than this a lot of times before. I'd say he'll be fighting fit by tomorrow."

Terra's head jerked up. "That fast? He looked a lot worse off than that!"

"Apparently, his body heals at a slightly accelerated rate. Not by much, but enough. Combined with Raven's magic, he'll be on his feet by noon."

Robin finally allowed himself to relax, now knowing his teammate was going to be all right. "Okay, so I want to hear what everyone thought of that little exercise earlier. What's on your mind?" Everyone was quiet for a moment. Beast Boy was the first to speak up.

"He just took on three super-powered bad guys, and almost won! He's definitely strong enough to be a Titan."

"Yeah, but strength isn't everything," Cyborg noted. "He was outnumbered three to one by unknown enemies and didn't call for backup. He didn't try to wait for us. What does that say?"

"Friend Cyborg, you make a good point. But we must remember that for the past few years our new companion has performed the same service as we have, but he was alone. He must adapt to working as part of a whole, rather than as a lone fox."

"Wolf, Starfire. The saying is lone wolf. But, you're right." Robin considered for a moment. "I tried to find a pattern in his fighting, but couldn't recognize any kind of style. I think he was making it up as he went."

"It was still effective, though." Terra added.

"I'll say!" Beast Boy choked out between laughs. " Did you see the look on Mammoth's face when Web-Head wedgified him? Priceless!"

Starfire turned to the one team member who had remained silent. "Raven, what do you think of our new ally's first battle as one of us?"

Raven remained silent a moment more, gathering her thoughts. "First of all, he wasn't fighting as one of us, he was fighting as himself while we watched from a safe distance." Robin squirmed in his seat a little bit. "Second, yes, he did well. But, there's something that I find a bit strange about the way he fights." She fell silent again. The others waited patiently, knowing she was trying to figure out how to make them understand. "Speaking as an empath, I can tell you that there are two basic types of minds out there. There are minds so slow, you can read them like a book. Minds in which you can almost see the gears turning. Like Beast Boy's."

"Yeah, like mine……………………………………………HEY!"

"Then there are minds so fast, you can't believe how fast connections are made, after the five or ten minutes it takes to work out what just happened. Minds like Robin's." The masked leader grinned at that.

"What about Spider-Man?"

"Well… That's what bothers me." Raven paused for a moment. How could she explain this to her friends, who couldn't sense what was happening in someone's mind? "Last night, I tried to get a measure of the way he thinks. He seemed normal, if a bit quick-witted." She paused again. "During the fight… it was like nothing I've ever seen before. It was like his conscious mind wasn't in charge at all. His subconscious was controlling him, doing the fighting. His senses picked up information and fed it directly to his muscles, it was like cutting out the middleman. That left his conscious mind idle, only needing to decide what was necessary to accomplish and what jokes to make in the process. It was…bizarre."

There was silence. "That's the most words she's strung together at once since I've met her." The breaker of the silence was Beast Boy. "Hey Cy, betcha I can whup you at Krash Kings 7!"

"You're on!" Quickly the room was filled by the sounds of tiny digital hovercars moving at high speed. The others filed away one by one, their meeting over. Soon, things were back to normal in the Tower, as Spider-Man reflected on the fact that now, when he got his butt whupped, he didn't need to hide the injuries from anyone. It was a nice feeling.

##########&&&&&##########

A/N: Chapter two, ready to go. That was a long one! It might be awhile before I have chapter three done, though. By the way, I accept suggestions for Marvel villains showing up to cause havoc, but they must either have a good reason (relatively speaking, we're talking about villains here) for being in town, or must be crazy enough to follow Spidey across the country just to hunt him down.


	3. Test of Honor

The New Guy

Disclaimer: I am the walrus, coo coo ka joo.

A/N: I'm baaaacckkkkk… with a vengeance. **Do not read the rest of these author's notes if you missed the first episode of the new season of Teen Titans.** I just wanted to say how annoyed I am by the new season of Teen Titans. I had hoped that the people who thought Terra would betray the Titans, and especially those who wrote fics on the subject would be proven wrong. Well, guess who's doing the "I told you so" dance now, and here's a hint, it ain't me! Grumble, rant, rave, mutter…

Chapter 3: Test of Honor

"Titans! Trouble!" Robin rushed into the living room like his cape was on fire. His teammates were scattered about, involved in various wholesome and productive activities.

"**FATALITY!**" the Gamestation roared.

Spider-Man groaned, "Aw, man! You just ripped out my spleen and made me eat it!"

"I told you this game rocked!" Beast Boy answered, laughing out loud.

"Guys? Trouble means time to earn our pay, not time to dissect computer game characters."

"I thought we didn't get paid," Terra mused, not looking up from her rock-climbing magazine.

Cyborg set down his own magazine, which seemed primarily concerned with fast cars and scantily clad women. "So what's the score, Rob? Kitty stuck in a tree? Asteroid about to destroy all of Hoboken? Mimes have taken over the pizza parlor?"

"It's Fang." _That_ little tidbit of information caught everyone's attention.

Starfire's jaw dropped. " Surely you do not mean the same Fang who you fought on that large sailing vessel! With Kitten…"

Terra had never encountered the being that called himself Fang, but had been told all about him. "You mean the guy with the- gross!"

Spider-Man was the only one left clueless. "Would anyone mind telling me who this Fang guy is and why you're all so worked up about him?"

None of the others were sure how Spider-Man would react to this villain. Therefore, they made the only reasonable choice:

"Uh… you'll see."

###########&&&&&##########

Just like the first time the Titans faced him, Fang was in the middle of a nighttime raid on a jewelry store. He had that same bizarre energy weapon at his hip, and a large bag plainly labeled as _Loot_ in his hand. He turned, and found himself staring into the mask of the punk that had brought him in all those months ago. Arrayed around him were the other losers, plus that new blonde girl everyone was talking about in prison. Gaia, or something like that. The heroes created a rough semicircle around the thief, leaving him with a wall to his back.

Robin kept his tone light, his words conversational. "Hey, Fang! Long time no see! What have you been up to?"

The spider-headed freak replied in the same tone, but his voice sounded like he had a throat full of gravel. Probably because of the unnatural form of his mouth. Or maybe he smoked. "I've been pretty busy, what with jail and all. I just stepped out to pick up a few things. Next stop: dry cleaning."

"Oh, really? We were hoping you'd hang around for awhile, meet our newest teammates."

Fang didn't seem to notice the plural attached to that last statement. "Sorry, but I'm busy." He began to scale the wall behind him with the massive appendages growing from his head. "I have a lot more errands to run, and the night is still young."

"And you're _stttiiilll_ ugly!" Three guesses who that was, and the first two don't count. Fang whipped around, and found that there was someone clinging to the wall above him, cutting off what he had thought was the one escape route the Titans had overlooked. "Get it? You said the night's still young, and I said you're still ugly! It's funny because it's true!"

Robin smiled as Fang realized that he was now outnumbered seven to one, and the seventh could fight on Fang's own terms. "You've probably already heard of Terra, here, but please allow me to introduce Spider-Man."

The arachnid-powered hero studied the arachnid-headed villain. "And who are you supposed to be? The mascot for jumbo economy-sized cans of _Raid_?"

Fang gave a low burbling growl. "Cheap, pathetic, badly costumed rip-off…" He punctuated the comment with a blast of the web goo that had caused the Titans so much trouble in the past.

Spider-Man dodged with ease, flipping through the air and returning fire with his own webbing. "Aw, now that's not nice! Who are you calling badly costumed?" He landed on his feet, but Fang had dodged the return fire. "You are like the poster boy for everything I do _not _want to be when I grow up."

The two stared at each other, the other Titans waiting for someone to make the first move. Rather than leap into attack or draw his weapon, Fang hissed something softly. "You do know what this means, right?"

Spider-Man's reply was just as soft. "Yeah…"

"There's a warehouse at the end of the street. Nice, wide roof. Two minutes."

"I'm there." With that, Fang quickly scaled the side of the building and disappeared, Spider-Man making no move to stop him.

The other Titans were completely confused now. Beast Boy expressed their collective thoughts quite succinctly: "What the heck was that?! Why are you letting him get away?!"

"I'm not. He'll be on the warehouse roof. His own ego means he won't try to escape now."

"Huh?"

"There can only be one. This is a matter of professional pride for us. Listen, I know this whole thing sounds stupid, but please don't interfere. Not until I've had my ass kicked so hard I can't fight anymore, at least." Without waiting for an answer, the webslinger leapt to the side of a building, fired off a webline, and swung away.

"Spider-Man!" Robin called. The wall-crawler stopped against a wall and looked back at his boss. "The warehouse is that way."

"…I knew that."

##########&&&&&##########

Spider-Man alighted softly on the warehouse roof, scanning warily for the distinctive outline of his opponent. He might be waiting for the chance to strike from the shadows, but no, Fang was in plain sight in the middle of the roof.

"Didn't think you had the guts to show up." The villain growled.

"Don't flatter yourself, eight eyes, you're not the only ugly thief I've taken down. Although, I have to hand it to you, you take the prize for the most disgusting son-of-a-something-or-other I have _ever_ seen!"

The other Titans arrived on the rooftop, a few still confused as to what was going on. Actually, only Beast Boy was confused. He glanced back and forth between his new friend and old enemy. "What are they _doing_?!"

Terra gave a little sigh of mock exasperation, but was grinning the whole time. _He's so cute when he's being a total yutz._ "It's a duel, dingleberry."

Robin was trying to decide whether he should put a stop to this foolishness or not, but his own sense of honor won out. "Two spider-mutants on opposite sides of the law. This oughta be good." Beast Boy burst out into a smile and whispered something in Cyborg's ear. The mechanical mechanic grinned and nodded along, preparing to employ his diminutive partner's suggestion.

Spider-Man and Fang stood there a moment, ten feet or so between them, sizing each other up. Fang snarled at his goody-two-shoes counterpart. "There isn't room in this town for both of us!"

"You sound like some old Western movie, you know that, don't you?" They stood there for a moment longer, Fang's hands at his side, prepared for a quick draw. Tensions rose to the breaking point. Something had to give. And then, out of nowhere, without any warning whatsoever-

They could hear the showdown music from any number of old Clint Eastwood/John Wayne films. Y'know, _do-dee-do-dee-dooo…wa wa waaaa..._ Wow, it's harder to type that sort of thing than I thought!

Spider-Man straightened up and shot a pained look at Cyborg (not that anyone could tell). "_Please_ don't tell me you have an MP3 player built in-" He was cut off as Fang used his foe's lapse in attention to snap off a shot from his weapon. Spidey flipped over the burst of energy and jammed the weapon with a return shot of webbing. Unfortunately, Fang wasn't dumb enough to try and fire his befouled weapon, instead casting it aside.

Fang lunged forward, stabbing at Spider-Man with two spindly legs. The response was immediate, as Spider-Man hopped out of the first limb's path and lunged under the second to deliver a wicked uppercut. The blow slammed into the mutant's armored exoskeleton, stunning him far less then a normal human would have been. A third leg snapped forward, and Spidey was forced to leap back and get some distance. Fang vaulted upward, seeking to surround his annoying counterpart with massive spidery limbs. The hero would have none of that; he rolled forward and tried to pin the legs to the roof with webbing. Fang snapped free before enough could be piled on, and the battle raged as the other Titans watched, cheering, whooping, and making sideline bets.

As Spider-Man found his rhythm in the fight, he resumed his mockery of his foe, inciting wilder attacks and unplanned assaults.

"Y'know, I can see why you're pissed at the world. I bet when you were born, the doctor slapped your mama." A massive glob of web-spit threatened to cut Spidey short, but he dodged and countered with a roundhouse that doubled Fang over. "And it has to be annoying, always looking over your shoulder, on the lookout for gigantic birds searching for their next meal. Lemme guess: you couldn't watch Sesame Street as a kid, because Big Bird scared you."

Fang was getting angry at Spider-Man's refusal to take the fight seriously, and it showed. He was putting more strength and less finesse into his punches, all of his attention focused on one singular, solitary goal, the same objective of every thug, crook, or villain Spidey had ever fought: _making the putz in the tights shut the hell up_. "But that doesn't mean you need to get all uppity, ripping off jewelry stores and whatnot." A leg speared out, a lucky shot slicing a tiny rip along Spidey's arm. He ignored the flesh wound. "After all, you could make a killing as the star of a sideshow!"

Fang slashed sideways with one leg, then another, then a third. Spider-Man ducked the first by leaning back into a limbo, bunny-hopped the second, and caught the third tightly under his arm. He swung Fang around once, the mutant's limbs flailing madly, before flinging him into the wall of a taller building on the other side of an alley. "Or you could sell photos of yourself to a costume company to give them ideas!" Fang gathered himself up, clinging to the side of the building instead of dropping to the street. He launched a massive wad of gray goop from his wide-stretched maw, but his preternaturally quick foe once again dodged the blast.

Beast Boy wasn't so lucky. "Ew! Again with the super loogie!"

Fang uncoiled his massive legs, springing at Spider-Man at breakneck speed. He made no attempt to attack, instead trying to grapple with the hero, which was a really bad idea in and of itself. Spider-Man was capable of bench-pressing dump trucks. Fang could not possibly win such a contest of strength, but he didn't know that, and he had something else in mind anyway. Spider-Man kept the match even, not to toy with his foe, but because he didn't want to inadvertently hurt Fang. Y'know, too much.

"But you just need to accept it eventually, buddy…" Spidey began to slowly increase the strength he put into his duel. Fang was slowly but surely forced down and back, to his knees. "You're just no match for your Friendly Neighborhood Spider-Man!"

The twinned dental apparatuses that gave Fang his name began to drip with some unidentifiable liquid, which almost seemed to glow a sickly purple. He looked up at the immensely strong hero standing above him, and made the attack that he was sure would win the duel for the forces of evil. _Because after all_, he reasoned,_ evil shall always prevail, because Good is dumb_. (If you don't get that reference, rent Space Balls, one of Mel Brooks' greatest movies).

A tingle at the back of his neck. That was all the warning Spider-Man needed to dodge the spray of what could only be venom that was launched from Fang's oversized namesakes, jerking his head back at nearly a ninety-degree angle. The paralytic toxin passed mere inches from Spidey's face, arcing neatly back down to fall toward the other Titans. Terra was the unfortunate chosen by fate to be frozen in place, but she lucked out as Cyborg's hand snapped out sideways, catching the toxin in his metallic palm. The goo gummed up his hand a bit, but he seemed none the worse for wear.

Spidey decided it was time to end this. He snapped his head forward, smashing Fang with a powerful head-butt. The villain reeled backwards, clutching at his "face". Spidey shook off the impact, then strode purposefully towards his stunned enemy. "And now I'm going to show you how we do things back in Manhattan." Spider-Man cracked his knuckles, drew back his arm, and waited for Fang to move his hands off of his head and see what was waiting for him. **_Whack! Bam! Thud!_** Right cross, left hook, uppercut. Fang staggered back, at least half of his many eyes closed. The other half slowly dimmed, and the villain slumped to the roof in a dead faint.

##########&&&&&##########

Spider-Man opened the window leading into the Tower's living room, and was greeted with a cheer. The Titans had decided a mini-celebration was in order (as if a group of teens needed a reason to party) and a dozen pizza boxes were stacked in the kitchen (the fact that they weren't empty is what made this unusual).

After the obligatory wolfing of pizza and guzzling of soda (Terra: Why bother to wear a mask if you lift it to eat anyway? Spider-Man: I can see the wanted posters now. "Suspect described as a Caucasian male with a chin.") things calmed down a bit. Robin spoke up, something that had been bugging him now prompting him to ask. "Thanks for taking Fang and the jewels to the police, but what did you mean when you said this was a great chance to make your presence known in town? Did you talk to the Chief, or something?"

Spidey grinned, the action revealed by his raised mask. "Or something." After all, they'd doubtless see it on the morning news.

##########&Meanwhile…&##########

"Hey, detective! What do you make of this?"

The officer looked up, glad for a distraction from the tedious deskwork the transfer from New York had confined him to. The rookie that had called him was standing at the Police Department's front doors, staring slack-jawed at something outside. The detective plodded to window, muttering curses directed at the midnight shift, the bosses that assigned him to it, and whatever damn fool had broken the station's Mr. Coffee. He glanced out the window, only half interested in whatever had gotten the new kid so riled up.

A massive spider web was stretched between two streetlights, silken threads the size of strands of yarn glistening in the dim light. It would have taken an arachnid the size of a Buick to craft such a web, but there it was. And as if that weren't enough, there was someone dangling from the web's center, upside down and wrapped up tight. It looked like the aforementioned car-sized spider was eating his head, but a second look revealed the thing on the web to be the escaped convict Fang. The spidery legs were stretched out on the web, two up, and two down, like a normal spider at rest. Framed by the lower two legs, spelled neatly and clearly enough to make Charlotte herself proud, the word LOSER was written in stretched webbing.

Detective Lamont spent about two seconds wondering what the hell he was doing dealing with another spider-freak halfway across the country, another two wondering what the idiot was playing at hanging around the police station, and two more to realize that Fang most likely hadn't done this to himself. As the rookie grabbed a small sack that was crammed with (presumably) stolen jewels, Lamont took a few unsteady steps towards the criminal. There was a piece of paper stuck to Fang's bulbous head.

Fang stirred and awoke, eight eyes blinking open. "What the hell are _you_ staring at?!" he snarled, straining against his silver bonds. The rookie jumped, but Lamont ignored the crook and pulled the paper off of his head. "_Ouch!"_

It couldn't be. It just freakin' couldn't be! Lamont thought he had left situations like this behind when he left the Big Apple! But there was only one person or creature that left criminals strung up like flies in a web, and Lamont was holding his calling card.

__

Courtesy of your friendly neighborhood Teen Titans and their newest member, Spider-Man!

##########&A few hours later&##########

The party had ended, and all of the Titans had resumed their usual late-night goofing off routines. Or at least most of the Titans.

Beast Boy had been planning payback for the "webbed to the ceiling" incident for days, now. His preparations were finally complete. He dragged the huge rubber band into place, checked that the tripwire was taut, and turned to his captive audience.

Raven, Terra, and Starfire watched, thoroughly unimpressed. Yes, it was the same plan that had once before resulted in Star getting hit with a balloon filled with motor oil, a balloon meant for Cyborg, but BB claimed to have learned from his past mistakes.

Raven gave a faint sigh. "Why will this trap be any more effective this time?"

Beast Boy's grin stretched from ear to ear. "Why, I'm glad you asked! See, before I forgot that somebody other than the target could set off the trap, so this time, Cy is going to call me when webhead comes this way! With the three of you here and Robin in the workout room, nothing can go wrong!" No sooner had he placed a balloon loaded with chocolate pudding into the cradle of the rubber band then his communicator beeped. "He's coming? Perfect!"

He ducked behind the machine, attempting to stifle a giggle. A red-booted foot appeared around the corner, the rest of Spider-Man soon following. "I'm not saying Mad Mod wasn't dangerous, I'm just saying he sounds like an evil Wizard of Oz. 'Pay no attention to the little man behind the cur-'" He stepped on the tripwire. The balloon launched. Spider-Man, suddenly panicked by his spider-sense flaring, leapt to the ceiling and allowed himself to cling there. And the person Spidey had been talking to rounded the corner just in time to catch the balloon in the face.

You see, Cyborg didn't know exactly what BB's plan was, so he didn't know to mention that Robin was with Spider-Man.

Robin lay slumped against the wall, stunned and covered in pudding. Spidey took a flash take on what had just transpired, and burst out laughing. He straightened up (or down, in this case) and met Beast Boy eye to mask. As it happened, their heights combined were a little taller then the hallway, so Spider-Man standing on the ceiling put their heads the same height above the floor. "Sorry, man, but you need to get up pretty early in the morning to get the best of me! And by the way, I suggest you start running before our fearless leader gets up."

Beast Boy's defeated look evaporated into a glare he shot over his shoulder, as if daring the girls to say a word. The glare became a grin as he turned back to Spider-Man. "At least I'll get the last laugh." He pulled a small remote device from his pocket, and thumped the button on it. At the end of the hall, behind Spider-Man, a panel slid open. Another balloon launcher fired from its hidden compartment, winging its way toward the back of Spidey's head with unerring accuracy. The wall-crawler sensed it coming and quickly bowed a full ninety degrees, and the balloon continued along its path to wipe the grin off Beast Boy's face.

"Not early enough." Spidey glanced back at Robin, who had stood up and was now advancing on Beast Boy with his staff hidden behind his back. BB wasn't fooled. He took off running, Robin in hot pursuit. Cyborg stepped around the corner just in time to watch two of his friends, coated in chocolate, disappear down the end of the hall. "Shoulda known he's foul this up."

"Shall we aid friend Beast Boy in escaping Robin's anger?"

Terra smiled, and shook her head. "Nah, he'll be fine. Robin won't hurt him too bad."

Spider-Man hopped back to the floor, landing easily on his feet. "And whatever happens to him, he'll be getting his _just desserts_."

Even _Star_ glared at him for that pun. "What? Pudding! Desserts! It's funny!"

##########&&&&&##########

A/N: I am so P.O.'ed right now. Two ideas I had for this story's later chapters, and both get used on one episode! The rock golems Terra created to fight for her, I thought of that back in this story's planning stages! And I was gonna have someone bring Robin's time as Slade's lackey back up, just like BB did in Aftershock Pt. 1! Oh, well. In any case, I want to point something out. I started this fic before the episode Betrayal, believing Terra was a permanent addition. I will continue along that path.

Now that that rant is out of the way, thanks for the reviews! I haven't yet received a negative response, and plenty of positive, which makes me a happy camper. Now, I don't plan on doing this very often, but I feel the need to respond to a few of these reviews. Answer questions, explain stuff, y'know. I'm not doing it for everyone or every chapter, I don't have the patience.

Legend Maker: Thank you. I understand your position on he whole 'multiple universes' schmear, but I prefer to think that if they can coexist, they should. There is nothing (besides corporate loyalty) that makes these two worlds entirely different, they could easily coexist. There is a New York City, the continents are in the same position, nothing exclusive to either world but the cities fabricated by DC comics. Portals just seem too convenient to me, unless the worlds are entirely different. I'm sorry, but I like it better this way, and I can't please everyone.

X-Over: Thank you. Now that's a thought… bolstering the H.A.E.Y.P…. But Slade doesn't control the H.A.E.Y.P. directly, they're mercenaries. Eddie Brock , Hive agent… Rhino, Sandman, and Scorpion are too old for the H.A.E.Y.P, though.

Thanks again, everyone!


	4. Test of Loyalty

The New Guy

Disclaimer: Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here and drink what comes out"?

A/N: Once more unto the breach, dear friends! I'm back! By the way, I have a message for X-over: Dammmmnnnn… you reviewed Chp. 3 within ten minutes of me posting it! Now that's service! Another by the way, Lamont wasn't an OC. He has appeared a number of times in Spider-Man's comics, and I've seen his presence in several fics in the Spider-Man section. I thought it might be interesting for him to be around, though he won't show up often.

Okay, new business: This chapter is gonna be a long one. Maybe long enough to split into two, but I doubt it. Spidey and the Titans will finally fight side-by-side this chapter, no more one-man-army heroics. For now.

Chapter 4: Test of Loyalty

The next morning saw Robin leaving the exercise room grinning broadly and whistling a happy tune. This combined with the fact that no one had seen Beast Boy since the pudding incident lead to general concern among the other Titans. A swift investigation found no trace of the changeling until they unzipped the exercise room's punching bag.

"Remind me not to get on Fearless Leader's bad side."

As this excitement wound down, normal morning routine once again established itself as the dominant factor. At least, until Robin turned on the news.

"-report that the escaped and highly dangerous convict Fang was captured and returned to custody late last night by the combined efforts of the Teen Titans and an unknown individual known as Spider-Man…"

"Guys! Check it out!"

"…who may or may not be the same vigilante often reported in the area of New York City. We now bring you exclusive footage of Fang's arrest by city police." The anchorwoman disappeared for a moment, to be replaced by poorly shot camcorder footage of… well, if you don't know, you should have read chapter 3!

Spider-Man grinned at the fish-out-of-water looks plastered on his teammate's faces. Even Raven was astounded by what she was seeing.

Beast Boy and Cyborg burst into gales of laughter, Terra and Star giggled uncontrollably, and Robin barely managed to choke out "'Or something', huh?"

"I call it 'Bad Guy in Repose'." Spidey shrugged. "I may not know art, but I know what I like."

The anchorwoman reappeared. "The escaped criminal was found this way in front of the Police Station, with a short handwritten note glued to his forehead with the same web-like material that held him captive. The note reportedly read as follows:

__

Courtesy of your friendly neighborhood Teen Titans and their newest member, Spider-Man!

If this Spider-Man is indeed a new addition to our local heroes organization, what does this mean for us? We now take you to our New York contact, for a few Man-on-the-Street interviews."

Spidey groaned as they led in an introduction for the interviews. "This ought to be fun. Half of Manhattan hates my guts!" The interviews began before anyone could ask why.

"Spider-Man is a menace! If he's gone to your town, it's your loss and our gain!"

"You mean he's gone? Thank God! I know I'll sleep better at night now!"

"He's nothing but a no-good freak in tights!"

"He isn't real. The tabloids made him up as a publicity stunt."

"I saw him kill a cop!" That guy's buddy quickly spoke up. "Dude, that was a Spidey imposter! The real Spider-Man caught him and beat the hell out of him!" "One Spider-Freak is as good as the next, for all I care."

The other Titans were starting to wonder if they had, in a manner of speaking, welcomed in a dog that wasn't house-trained.

"Dude, Spidey rocks! He be da shiz-nit in da house!" (The fact that it was some lame-o white guy with baggy pants around his knees, too much jewelry, and his hat on backwards that said that completely neutered the support.)

The next interviewee was a young woman, nearly in tears and attempting to hold on to a squirming toddler. "Spider-Man dove into the fifth floor of a burning building and pulled my baby out without letting him get so much as a scratch. I don't care what anyone else says, Spider-Man is a saint to me."

Thus began the tide of Spidey supporters.

"He saved my wife from a mugger."

"He caught the punk who robbed my shop."

"He stopped an armored car robbery! I saw him! And when it was all over, the guard panicked and begged him just to take the money and go, and the dude just left! Sacks of cash, and he just left!" ("Actually," Spidey muttered, "I made a joke about it not matching my wardrobe, then I left.")

"He stopped a gang war! Just beat the snot out of a dozen thugs from three different gangs before the rest ran off!

There were another dozen or so interviews, alternating from supportive, to hateful, to apathetic, to disbelieving. After it was over, the Titans looked at their new friend appreciatively. They hadn't realized how much he had done until now.

The anchorwoman reappeared. "We now present the famed duel between Spider-Man and the deranged scientist, Dr. Otto Octavius, also known as Dr. Octopus. This is a re-broadcast of what was originally live footage…"

While the reporter droned on, Cyborg turned to Spider-Man. "What the hell kinda name is Dr. Octopus?"

"…You'll see."

(A/N: This scene is a paraphrased version of my favorite chapter of Ultimate Spider-Man. My thanks and apologies to the fine men and women who produce such excellent work.)

The video began with a scene that looked like a classic press conference. It was night, there was some sort of high-tech lab facility in the background, and a dozen reporters crowded around the man standing on the stairs leading up to the lab's main entrance. This poor sorry fashion victim had brown hair in a pudding-bowl cut, a green jumpsuit, and was wearing dark glasses despite the lateness of the hour. He was broad in the shoulder, and looked fairly strong, but was a bit pudgy around the middle. All in all, he looked fairly average.

Y'know. If it wasn't for the four tentacles formed from what appeared to be some wild alloy of living metal that extended from a device surrounding his torso. "I think I understand now." Cyborg said, sounding rather queasy.

The tentacles writhed as if by their own accord as the good doctor made a bombastic speech to the gathered news teams. He announced that he was going to reveal the truth about a man who had, through betrayal and deceit, turned an honest man of science into the twisted horror before them. Justin Hammer, a billionaire in the high technology industry, was the reason Octavius had this ghastly machine embedded in his flesh. And right on cue, Mr. Hammer's limo pulled up through the facility's gates.

As the crews turned their cameras to the limo, a sign could be seen over the gate that established the location as Hammer Industries. "Come out, Hammer!" A tentacle stretched over the reporters' heads to tap with surprising gentleness on the limo's windshield. "Come out and let them see the true monster!"

The limo peeled out, going as fast as the driver could manage in reverse. It wasn't fast enough. The tentacle smashed through the bulletproof glass of the windshield like it was tissue paper. The cameras didn't show any gore, otherwise they couldn't show the film on TV, but it was obvious that the tentacle had punched straight through the driver's chest. A woman's scream pierced the night as a second tentacle curled under the limo, and it rose into the air. Octavius strode past the gathered reporters, his other two tentacles walking for him as he hovered ten feet above the ground. Octavius kept yelling threats and curses to Hammer and his cowardice, until a wad of shining silver liquid speared out of nowhere and plastered to Doc Oc's shades.

"Show time," the real Spider-Man said from his seat on the couch. On the screen, Spidey swung into view with a punch and a witty remark. He proceeded to pretty much turn Oc into his own personal set of monkey bars, making the errant scientist look like a fool as he attempted to swat the annoying pest that refused to leave him alone.

A reporter managed to find her voice, and started… well, reporting. She pointed out repeatedly that Spider-Man had once again come to the rescue of Justin Hammer, who had been so hostile to him in the press, and that he was putting all of his effort into keeping Octavius away from the gathered reporters with no regard to his own safety.

Octavius managed to flick the right tentacle, sending Spidey careening into the side of a news van with enough force to crater the metal, right in mid-taunt. "C'mon, you don't have to be a mad scientist! You could rent yourself out as a children's ride, you don't have to be all pi-ooooofffff!" He jumped up immediately and resumed the fight, twisting around gouts of flame projected by one of the tentacles. ("Stupid upgrades…" the real Spidey muttered.) Another tentacle revealed some kind of high-caliber automatic weapon mounted at the end, and spat lead death. "Well, yikes, and all that. I didn't know you could open fire, now did I?"

The fight progressed quickly after that. Spidey kept dodging, but eventually, Oc managed to catch him, and bound him in place with a pair of tentacles giving a bone-crushing bear hug. A third tentacle took position a few feet before his face, giving off a distorted reflection of his red mask. Twin electrodes appeared on each side of the tentacle, and they sparked into life with enough juice to stun a bull elephant.

Back in Titan's Tower, Terra and Starfire had their hands clamped over their mouths, willing themselves not to scream. The others appeared mesmerized by the events unfolding on the screen.

Octavius was ranting again. "I am not the monster other men would make me!" The electrified arm moved closer to the masked hero's face. He clamped his feet on each side of the tentacle, a futile attempt to stop its progression. "I am a visionary! I am the future!" Mere inches left. Doc Oc's voice was clouded by rage and hate, he was almost intelligible. "_I am in control of my own Destiny!_"

Spider-Man's voice rang out clear as a bell. "Good for you. I, on the other hand, am barely in control of my own bladder." A double spray of webbing coated the arm.

A man of science such as Dr. Otto Octavius, were he not embroiled in mortal combat, might have been interested to discover that webbing conducts electricity.

As all eight limbs of Doctor Octopus flailed, Spider-Man was whip-lashed out and sent flying to who knows where. Octavius shook his head to clear away the last traces of pain, then advanced upon the wrecked limo once more. "What now, Hammer? Your little pet spider is gone! Come and face me!"

A string of webbing appeared on screen. It attached itself to the crotch of Octavius' jumpsuit, and his pants were suddenly around his ankles. He hurriedly yanked them back up, then stared at something off-camera with a look of dawning comprehension and mounting horror.

"Tighty Whities?" **WHUMP!!!** Spider-Man appeared on screen and swung into a mule kick, right in Oc's gut. "Well, that explains everything." Spider-Man decked the good doctor, a clean right hook to the jaw. Octavius momentarily lost control of his mechanical arms, and the pair dropped like stones. Spidey twisted so that Oc was underneath when they hit, and the impact was enough to leave cracks in the asphalt. A blast of webbing from both barrels pinned Oc to the ground by the head.

Spider-Man grabbed a tentacle at its base, and pulled with all of his considerable might. A few tense seconds later, there was a sound of tearing metal. The arm was completely detached. A howl of pain echoed from the shell of spider webs that coated Octavius' head, the sound of a soul having a piece of itself torn away. The remaining arms flailed spastically, then dropped as Octavius finally passed out. The film ended. (If you read Ultimate Spider-Man, then you know that at this point Kraven the Hunter shows up and then Spidey gives his first real interview. But I thought this had gone on long enough, don't you?)

The Titans turned and stared openly at Spider-Man, who in turn stared at the screen as the anchorwoman began a lead-in for the next story, something about brussels sprouts actually being a deadly toxin, or something. No one said anything for a few minutes. Finally, Spidey broke the silence. "Wanna know what's ironic? That was the high point of my career so far. People were finally beginning to realize that I'm one of the good guys. But the thing is, it was nearly midnight by the time I finished up there, and Hammer Industries is in New Jersey. It was 3 AM when I walked in the door back home in Queens, and I was so grounded it wasn't even funny. Go figure, huh?"

##########&Later that night&##########

The Titans stood waiting on the roof of a building in the warehouse district. Robin was studying the scene below with a small set of powerful binoculars. An armored car was idling in front of one of the nondescript storage buildings, but it carried the mark of no bank. Armored figures that clearly were not security guards or workers were loading containment units into the van, but the only label on the industrial drums were painfully bright biohazard markings.

Two of Slade's hench-bots were standing guard, lifeless eyes scanning the alley for any signs of life. The other two worked tirelessly to load the trucks with hazardous chemicals. Robin reflected on Spider-Man's earlier comments upon seeing a map of the city, and his own response. "A museum, a harbor, dozens of large banks, a federal penitentiary, heavy industry, warehouses, chemical plants… how many potential targets does this city have?" "Why do you think the Titans were founded here?"

Robin considered his options, knowing his team was itching for action. They could easily take on four of these bots, and many more besides, but they needed information. Why did Slade want these chemicals? Were there reinforcements waiting? Was this a massive trap?

The Boy Wonder turned away from his target to address his team. "Okay, this looks way too easy. It must be some kind of ambush. Slade isn't dumb enough to think these four measly robots could get away, so he's gotta be planning something. On the other hand, we can't let him get those barrels, and the only way to be sure it is a trap is to enter it. Here's what we do…"

Suddenly, Robin's deliberations were all rendered moot. A patrol car pulled around the corner, and the officers within began bellowing orders to the Slade-bots to lie down on the ground with their hands on their heads. The response was a laser blast shattering their windshield. The van's armored rear doors swung shut, and the four robots began their escape with their ill-gotten booty.

"Okay, new plan. Cyborg, get your car. Everyone else, after them. Keep civilians out of the way. I want Raven to stop it telekinetically; any impacts might blow up whatever was in those barrels. Clear? Good. Titans, go!"

Within a minute and a half, the plan was in full swing. So was Spider-Man, as a matter of fact. He demonstrated his worth as he threw people out of the armored car's path, launching blasts of non-sticky webbing to cushion their falls. Starfire, Beast Boy, and Terra helped people in their own ways, but to their collective distress Raven had learned that the vehicle was somehow shielded against her powers. The only way for her to stop it would be to hit it with something, which was too great a risk.

The T-car pulled up behind the van, Cyborg expertly matching the robots' every move. Robin was perched on the car's roof. The others explained the problem to him, and after a moment, he started giving orders. "Okay, new new plan. Girls, keep it up. Beast Boy, with me. I want Cyborg to blow the doors off, and then we're going in. At the same time, Spider-Man gets to the driver, disables him, and stops the van."

"Uh, boss man?"

"I don't think a low power shot will set off the barrels, okay? If it's anything else, it can wait!"

Spider-Man sighed. "Whatever you say, Fearless Leader."

Stage one of the plan went off without a hitch. The same could be said for the rear doors of the armored car. The T-car's proton cannon shattered them quite nicely, thanks to Cyborg's excellent marksmanship. Beast Boy swept into the van as an eagle, quickly changing into a gorilla.

Robin used a grapple to reel himself into the compartment, which, filled as it was with three robots, a half-dozen barrels, a great ape, and now Bird Boy himself, was a bit cramped to say the least. Spider-Man swung down as the van passed an intersection, smashing through the driver-side window with a kick that crushed the driving robot against the passenger door. He grabbed the steering wheel, and waved jauntily to the myriad passengers behind him. "So, where can I drop you off?"

The van swerved crazily as an all-out war erupted in the back. "Don't you make me come back there!"

"Shut up and stop the damn truck!" Robin barked. Beast Boy managed to throw one of the robots out the back, and noted Cyborg's amused expression as he used the T-car's windshield wipers to peel the robot off of his auto.

"Oh, all right. You don't need to get snippy about it. Which one's the brake?" Robin stopped fighting long enough to shoot a horrified 'you better be joking' expression to Spider-Man. "You may not find this reassuring, but I don't even have a learner's permit yet."

"What?!"

"Hey, what do you think I was trying to tell you a minute ago?" The van suddenly shot forward, it's speed nearly doubling. "Yaaaahhh! Found the gas! I can figure out the other one." The van didn't slow down. "Okay, maybe I can't. There's only one more pedal, but it isn't doing anything!"

Robin smashed in the head of the second robot, then turned to his chauffeur. "Try the emergency brake!"

There was a loud _SNAP!_ "It broke."

"Turn off the engine!"

"There's no keys!"

Robin was getting desperate. Inspiration struck with the force of a thunderbolt, and he grabbed his communicator. "Cyborg! We can't stop it! Use your grapple arm!"

The reaction was immediate, as the half-robot reached out his window and fired his hand off like it was a cannonball. As the hand reached the armored car, it dug its grip into the metal framework, and the tri-steel cable tethering it to his arm started to reel itself back in. Both the T-car and the van slowly came to a halt. The larger truck's wheels continued to spin, smoke lazily rising from the tires and the rank odor of burning rubber filling the air. Terra formed a spike of asphalt beneath the truck, and used it to shatter the axle.

Spidey glanced at the third hench-bot. When the van had stopped, it had been pitched over the seats and smashed its head into the windshield, a true testament to the value of seatbelts. "So, that's ten bucks per mile, plus tip. Thank you for choosing the Red-n-Blue Cab Corporation, we're always on call."

Robin and Beast Boy stumbled out of the back of the truck, fighting the urge to revisit their dinners. As the Boy Wonder's head cleared, he stomped up to his driver, ready to rip him a new one for not knowing how to use a stupid brake pedal, but stopped as he saw a TV screen rise out of the dashboard. The other Titans crowded around, jockeying for position to see the tiny screen.

The screen flickered into life, presenting an image of Slade. Not like the Titans had expected anyone else. "Excellent work, Titans. Stopping an armored car with the brake lines cut, the emergency brake halfway sawed through, and the key snapped off with the engine running, all without setting off the potentially hazardous chemicals stowed in the back. Of course, those drums contain mere tap water, but how could you have known that?"

"What's this about, Slade?!" Robin growled from behind clenched teeth.

"I simply wished to test how well your new comrade fit in as one of you. Spider-Man, isn't it? You have great experience as a vigilante, but how would you handle teamwork?" Slade slowly shook his head. "Alas, I was disappointed. Against the agents of the H.A.E.Y.P., you stood alone. When Fang attacked, you allowed honor to overwhelm common sense. But now…"

"Stuff it, tall, dark, and creepy." Spider-Man pointed an accusing finger at the miniscule figure on the screen. "You send out your crappy-ass robots to put us on a wild goose chase, and then say it was all a test?" He jabbed his finger toward the screen. "I only have one thing to say to you, slappy: _You_ are not pleasant to be around."

Slade moved a hand to cover his heart, and spoke in a tone so dry and devoid of emotion that he could have given Raven lessons. "I have been skewered. I will now take the next seventy-two hours to reevaluate my life. Farewell, Titans. Until next battle."

There was a moment's silence, before Spidey spoke up. "So, is this Slade guy one of those really annoying bad guys who's plans are so convoluted, you can never be sure if you've won or somehow advanced one of his schemes?"

"Pretty much, yeah."

"I have a trace on his signal." Cyborg studied the data screen constructed within his arm. "Just a few miles from here."

"A trap," Raven grated.

Robin nodded. "But we can't pass up a lead like this. Titans, move out."

##########&&&&&##########

Five miles, one tunnel, an elevator down into the bowels of the Earth, another tunnel, and three more miles later, the Titans found themselves within sight of the entrance to Slade's hidden citadel (One of many. He had a persuasive real estate agent.). Beast Boy took a step forward, impatient now that he was within a mere hundred feet of their greatest foe, but he was stopped by Spider-Man.

"Wait. Spider-senses… tingling. Danger… too great. Must… talk like…Captain Kirk."

"Do you come with subtitles?"

"He's getting a bad feeling about this last hall."

"Yeah, what Raven said." Spidey added. "There hasn't been any security so far, but I'm really getting the feeling we shouldn't go in there."

"Don't tell me you're chickening out now!"

"Hello? Remember me? The guy who can sense danger from a distance? All I'm saying is that I'm picking up some really bad mojo from that hall."

Cyborg's cybernetic eye cycled through several different colors, before returning to its normal red. "He's right, guys. I just did a full spectrum analysis. There's more traps in that stretch of hallway then I can count."

Robin crouched down, a few devices revealing themselves to his trained eye. "This from the walking calculator. What are we up against?"

"A better question would be 'what _aren't_ we up against?' There's trap doors, laser tripwires, regular tripwires, cameras, motion sensors, heat sensors, pressure sensors, mines, sentry guns, fletchete launchers, deadfalls, and a few things I can't even identify."

Robin studied the hall some more, mulling over his options. "Terra?"

"The walls are three feet of solid steel. I can't burrow a new tunnel."

"Raven?"

"The walls are inlaid with the same shields as the truck. I can't rip them apart."

"Beast Boy?"

"I don't think anything bigger than a flea could get through there without setting something off, and we don't have that kind of time."

Robin studied some more. Cyborg helpfully added, "I've run the physics. It's impossible to make it through there without setting off at least five traps."

The leader of the Teen Titans straightened up, a resigned sigh escaping his lips. "Well, boys and girls, I am officially open to suggestions. What do we do?"

Spider-Man stepped forward, and stretched like he was preparing for a workout. "We improvise."

Robin caught on a second before the others. "Don't you dare."

"Too late." Spider-Man launched himself through the doorway, and into a deadly obstacle course.

To Be Continued…

Gotcha!!!!!

Thought I was going to leave this in a cliffhanger, huh? I hate those stupid things, so I avoid them whenever I can! You should have seen the look on your face… I wish I could have.

Spider-Man launched himself through the doorway, and into a deadly obstacle course. Alarms blared. Panels flipped open. Laser targeters lit him up brighter than a Christmas tree. The air was filled with flame, smoke, shrapnel, bullets, darts, and an inconceivable number of other weapons did their level best to reduce the suicidal hero to a smoking pool of grease. Sensations ripped through Spider-Man's mind too quickly for him to identify. His already amplified senses were on overdrive, fueled by adrenaline and the knowledge that his life was on the line.

A few snapshots of memory escaped the moment intact. The flash of a gun. The hiss of a blade cutting the air. Sections of the ceiling suddenly coming loose, dropping with incredible force. The leap that carried him between a flame-thrower and a mine, detonating both with the crossfire. On at least one occasion, Spidey landed on a trapdoor and fell ten feet before web-zipping back up to relative safety. It took all of ten seconds to cross the hundred feet of hall, and each second lasted an eternity to him.

Then he was clear. His tights sported a dozen small rips, and he was smoldering a few spots. Before any more weapons could track on his new location, Spider-Man shattered the control panel next to the far door and ripped out every important-looking wire and metal piece he could reach. The weapons fell silent.

As the smoke cleared, the other Titans could see Spider-Man leaning against the far wall. His hand was clutched to his chest, and his shoulders were heaving as he attempted to catch his breath. They stared, amazed that he could have made it through such a firestorm relatively unscathed. Cyborg's eye cycled colors again. "All systems deactivated. It's clear." They hurried down the hall to their winded comrade, who waved off their concerns and quailed under Robin's fierce glare. "What the hell were you thinking?! Even with your abilities, that was too risky!"

"Next time I try something that stupid, please hit me over the head with something really heavy before I do it."

"Gladly."

Spider-Man rose to his feet and took a few steps into the next room, turned to say something- then tried to lunge back the instant before a massive blast door slammed shut, sealing him away from the other Titans.

##########&Intermission&##########

I bet you're happy that I hate cliffhangers, aren't you? This would be an even better place for one then when I played my little joke.

Speaking of jokes,

A doctor goes into the same bar every night and orders the same drink, a pecan daiquiri. One night the bartender sees him come in and starts to mix his drink and finds there are no pecans, so he substitutes with hickory nuts. The bar tender serves the drink and the doctor sips it and says, "This is not a pecan Daiquiri." And the bartender says "No, it's a hickory daiquiri doc".

Hey, hey, quit it! Quit with the stupid tomatoes!

##########&Back to the show&##########

Spider-Man rose to his feet and took a few steps into the next room, turned to say something- then tried to lunge back the instant before a massive blast door slammed shut, sealing him away from the other Titans. A muffled thump could be heard as he ran into it face first. Rubbing his injured nose, Spider-Man turned back to face the massive room he had become entombed in (_There's a comforting thought_, he mentally growled). He found himself meeting the soulless gazes of five hench-bots.

##########&&&&&##########

Robin slammed his fist against the metal of the door, accomplishing nothing but a bruised hand. "A trap. And we walked right into it. And let me guess, the door is too thick to burn through, too strong to knock down, and shielded so that Raven can't rip it out of the walls."

"Guys! I just figured it out!" Terra was wide-eyed as she realized what was really going on. "When I first came to the Titans, Slade led us underground to fight in a mine! _Where I'm at my strongest!_ And then, he tried to recruit me to join him!" She turned to face the others. "Now, he sets a bunch of traps that only Spider-Man could get through…"

The Titans stared at the barrier in mounting horror as the full implications began to set in.

"We need to get through this door _now_."

##########&&&&&##########

Spider-Man found himself standing atop the wreckage of five hench-bots. He glanced around the room, noting that he was in the middle of a pool of light, revealing only the door and the floor out to a dozen paces or so. Deciding that someone had to be listening, he called out to the nothing. "Y'know, you really ought to fire whoever designs these robots." His voice echoed back softly.

Then another voice responded, a smooth, silky voice that could make anything sound perfectly reasonable. It didn't echo at all. "I would, but they're Union."

A spotlight flared on, illuminating an armored form standing on a platform. Slade. "Excellent work, my arachnid friend. Nothing less then I would have expected from someone with so illustrious a resume as yours."

"Well, it helps to pad things like that a bit. You never know who you might need to impress."

"I can tell you, I most assuredly am impressed. You have remained alive despite the efforts of several hundred hardened men and women throughout New York and the surrounding area, which alone speaks for your talents."

"Nice to know, but- hey, wait a minute. Is this series of job puns just a lead-in to a villain-to-hero 'join me or die' speech?"

"Pretty much, yeah."

"Y'know, if you had done your homework, you would know that that's been tried before, and it didn't work."

##########&Flashback to a really old Spider-Man comic&##########

"I can't believe I'm doing this on a school night…" Spider-Man was crawling through the window of an old, decrepit church. He made it inside easily enough, but no sooner then had he risen a voice boomed out of the darkness. "I knew you would come!" The voice's owner stepped out of the pool of darkness concealing him, revealing a steel-plated body and a swirling green cloak.

"Doctor Doom!" (A/N: I told you it was a really old comic.)

"Let me ask you something, Spider-Man. Haven't you ever wondered why you are shunned and feared by the people of this city, while the likes of the Fantastic Four (A/N: This comic is really really really old.) are vaunted and admired?"

"Actually, yeah. I have."

"Don't you think it's unfair that they do not half as much good for the city as you, yet are considered true heroes? All while the police would rather shoot at you then the thieves you hunt down?"

"The thought has crossed my mind… I even have a better costume then they do. Why am I always the fall guy?"

"Why bother saving such bigoted idiots? Join me, and together we shall be unstoppable!"

Spider-Man stood tall, a maniacal glint in his eye (cover). "I can see it now. We would be the greatest duo since Laurel and Hardy (A/N: Where the hell did I find such an old comic?)."

"Yes."

"All would fall before our combined might. The Fantastic Four, the Justice League…" (A/N: I added the Justice League part.)

"Yes!"

"We would crush all that oppose us under the heels of our boots! We would be invincible!"

"YES! So you'll join me?"

"Helllllllll no!"

Here's the short version of what happened next: Spidey beats up Dr. Doom and takes him to the police. Doom will eventually and inevitably escape, and start plotting once more. Blah, blah, blah…

##########&End Flashback&##########

"…So what are you offering that Ol' Iron Ass didn't?"

"Well, first of all…" Slade snapped his fingers. The lights flicked on, revealing the room and its contents. Those contents being: One (1) Spider-Man, one (1) Slade, and several hundred (too damn many) hench-bots.

"…You now have my attention. Anything else?"

"I provide a really good dental plan."

"Keep talking…"

##########&&&&&##########

"Everybody ready?" Robin checked that everyone was, indeed, ready, and put the finishing touches on their go-for-broke door opening device. I'm going to explain how it works, but it gets pretty technical, so pay attention: They wired every explosive Robin was carrying in that handy belt of his to one detonator, and stuck the whole shebang to the door.

They retreated a short distance down the hallway of doom, and Raven formed a shield around them. Robin's thumb hovered over the Big Red Button (patent pending), the Titans plugged their ears, and then-

Then the door slid smoothly open. The Titans blinked, Robin put away the detonator, and they walked through the door. Which immediately slammed shut behind them.

The room was dark, and the only illumination was provided by Cyborg's eye.

Three spotlights flicked on. One illuminated the Titans, another revealed Slade, and the third left an empty patch of floor visible halfway between the other two. That patch of ground had six marks lined up, obviously meant for the Titans.

"Where. Is. Spider. Man?" Robin snarled, as he and the others took up fighting positions.

"Why, Robin, what makes you think I would tell you that after I took all that effort to catch him? And it certainly was a lot of effort, to be certain. You can see the wreckage scattered about."

"I'm going to ask one last time. Where?!"

"Robin, if you and your teammates want to see your insectile friend again intact, you will stand on the prescribed spaces. I won't pretend you are foolish enough to not see them as the traps they are, but what choice do you have?"

Reluctantly, the Titans did as he said. Once all six of them had stopped on an x, restraints sprang out of the floor and ceiling and bound them immobile. Each restraint was custom-designed for its captive, though it was anyone's guess as to how they were correctly targeted.

Robin's cuffs were designed with his escape artist training in mind, keeping his arms above his head and each individual finger completely immobile. His feet were locked in position at his ankles.

Starfire's cuffs kept her arms crossed against her chest, any bolts strong enough to melt the metal would burn her terribly.

Beast Boy's stockade was set to give him a nasty shock whenever it detected a significant change in mass. He was forced to learn that the hard way.

Terra and Raven were in simple chains, arms above their heads and feet held below. Raven's mouth was covered, so that she couldn't invoke her power, while Terra's eyes were covered. It wouldn't stop her, but she couldn't risk hurling boulders around blindly. And that was merely an extra precaution, anyway; there was no stone in the room.

That left Cyborg, who wasn't restrained at all. He had a mini-EMP generator running above his head. While his mind and programs were protected from being wiped, he couldn't control his body's mechanics at all.

The floor split open beneath them, leaving them hanging over a pool filled with (You decide! Choose the cliché evil deathtrap of doom you like best! Alligators, piranhas, electric eels, acid, electrified water, starved gerbils, sharks with or without laser beams on their foreheads, ill-tempered mutant sea bass…).

"Very good. And now, here is your so-called 'friend'." Slade snapped his fingers.

Spider-Man strolled into the pool of light, acting completely unconcerned. "Hi, guys. What's up? I mean, besides you."

There was an uproar from the bound Titans as they branded Spider-Man traitor, betrayer, son-of-a-bitch, bastard, and a _Tydidean Jufunbler_, whatever the hell that means to a Tamaranian.

He took the shower of insults like it was nothing. "Big talk from the guys catching more air time then a skateboard at the X-games."

"Spider-Man has proven more agreeable to becoming my apprentice than you did, Robin. I don't need to threaten your lives to guarantee his loyalty, I can do it just for fun." Slade snapped his fingers yet again, and a podium rose from the floor. There were two levers on it, marked clearly enough that the Titans could read them from a distance. Except Terra, of course, who was starting to work out what was going on before her blinded eyes. One lever said SAVE and the other DESTROY.

Slade gestured for Spider-Man to take up a position next to the panel. "It is your choice, apprentice. Will you prove your loyalty to me by destroying your former friends? Or will you recant, and hope that they will someday trust you again? Choose now, and choose well."

Spider-Man glanced from the Titans to the panel, and back. He studied them each in turn; Robin's cold glare, Beast Boy's fear, Cyborg's rage, Starfire's pain, Terra's sadness, Raven's smoldering fury. He let his hand hover over first one lever, then the other. "Life… death. Save… destroy. Tough call."

He shifted his hand between the switches. "One might say I'm choosing between Heaven and Hell."

"I'm growing impatient, apprentice."

"Don't you have any sense of drama? Fine. I choose… the hidden third option." His foot flashed out, a high kick that could have taken Slade's head off if it connected. If.

Slade, with almost casual smoothness, caught Spider-Man's attack by the ankle. "I should have known." He threw the double agent across the massive room, and stopped to pull the DESTROY lever before moving toward his betrayer. The Titans began to lower to the pool of whatever with almost painful (and quite unnecessary) slowness.

"I knew you were too weak to go through with it." He strode quickly to Spider-Man, and the two exchanged blows with incredible speed. After, a moment, Spidey stumbled back, finding himself outclassed.

"You're nothing but a pathetic, worthless, gutless, spineless worm, and you don't even deserve to be destroyed by the likes of me."

"Really? Well, then it's a good thing I was planning on doing this anyway." Spider-Man bounded into the air, passing over Slade's head completely. He landed and immediately bounced again, landing on the framework holding Robin prisoner. He easily shattered the lockwork, and threw the frame holding the Boy Wonder to the floor away from the pool.

Robin leapt to his feet, drew his staff, and charged Slade without a second thought. Spidey quickly freed the others one by one, going tallest to shortest. After all, they were being lowered into a pool of something-or-other, and that was a situation where height had disadvantages.

As the Titans rose, Slade seemed to realize that things were going from bad to worse. He broke away from his fight with Robin. "I now know that Spider-Man is not susceptible to bribery. Very well, now that my experiment is complete, I think it's time we end this in the inevitable manner." Slade reached up, and removed his mask- revealing that they had been fighting yet another robotic replica. A screen was mounted on the android's face, and the (presumably) real Slade was being shown. "Farewell, Titans." A digital display was overlaid on Slade's image, counting down from ten. There was no escape; the door was still sealed shut.

Of course, Robin's bombs were still mounted on it.

As they sprinted down the hall, they didn't quite clear the self-destruct device's blast radius, but they were far enough away for Raven to hold back the blast without her shield breaking.

##########&&&&&##########

Robin walked the hall in Titan's Tower at Raven's side. He had already explained to everyone what had really happened back there. See, Robin had known Slade would pull some kind of stunt like that. He had warned Spider-Man long ago, and they had agreed a double cross was the best chance for the team to escape intact. As for why he didn't just pull the SAVE lever, Spidey explained that himself. "Do you really think Slade would give me that option? I sensed more danger from that lever then from the one marked DESTROY. I figure it would have just dropped you all fast, leaving me wracked with guilt and the rest of you dead."

Robin had thought that would be the end of the matter, but apparently Raven remained unconvinced. "C'mon, Rae, he was acting under orders! Cut him some slack!"

"It was still a massive risk."

"And it worked! I know we can trust him."

She wheeled on him abruptly. "Do you? What if Slade had offered the right bait?"

He was getting angry now. "Right bait? What do you mean? Do you think anyone would become a traitor for the right price?"

"You did." The cold brutality, the sheer truth in Raven's words chilled Robin to the bone. "Your price was our lives. We can only hope that the rest of us have prices set so high."

##########&&&&&##########

A/N: I think I just broke some kind of speed record for finishing a fourteen-page chapter. I guess all that slush people put in their author's notes are true, good reviews are the best motivation! And now, a few responses:

Me262: Thanks, first of all. I've wanted to pick up a copy of that book for a while now, since I keep hearing about how funny it is. So, thanks again!

Neo-Link Tails: As I stated in the final A/N of chapter one, I'm using a slightly AU version of Ultimate Spider-Man, placing him in the 15-16 range. The AU-ness comes from him having spinnerets instead of web-shooters, like in the movie.

X-Over: I thought about a chapter combining Evolution with this, but I didn't think of having the Brotherhood enter the H.A.E.Y.P. Not bad… we'll have to see.

Dr. Evans: I had considered that possibility long ago, and only recently made a final decision. You'll see what I decided next chapter. It is good to know that thinking about possibilities like that isn't crazy, despite the number of purists who would see me strung up for writing something like it.

You keep reviewing, I'll keep writing. And I have a lot of ideas, so I'm naturally going to need a lot of reviews to get them all done.


	5. A Raven Uncaged

The New Guy

Disclaimer: Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

A/N: Ohhhhh, some of you people are going to kill me for this one… I will accept flames for this chapter, but only this chapter. Well, I know that at least a few of my reviewers will be pleased with this new turn of events. You will know who you are.

Chapter 5: A Raven Uncaged

"Uh-huh. Yeah. Yeah, I got her back here no problem. Her condition is stable, and she seems perfectly fine physically… yeah, that's what I thought. I don't know what else there is to do until she wakes up. I put her on the couch for now, and gave her a blanket… because I'm not dumb enough to go in Raven's room without her permission, that's why! Hmm? Oh, I'm fine. I told you the burn looked worse than it really was. Don't worry, I'll stay with her. Happy hunting, Fearless Leader."

Spider-Man closed his communicator, glancing at his charge. Raven was much the same as when he'd gotten her back to the Tower a few minutes ago: out like a light. The Titans had been dealing with some new crook that had joined the school of thought that said _Hmmm… I have all of this high tech equipment, so maybe I should use it to rob banks and stuff! No hero could stop me, because all of the other guys the Titans beat were total idiots compared with my brilliance!_

Admittedly, this guy had proven fairly competent at his chosen trade. Now, all semi-super villains (crooks who were beyond the scope of what the police could bring down without major backup, but only minor annoyances to super heroes) have some sort of gimmick. Mumbo Jumbo had magic, Dr. Light could, obviously, bend light to his will; this guy used a wide variety of potent gas and chemical weapons to incapacitate his targets.

You'll notice I said incapacitate, not kill. This thief had a few things going for him; first among them was his refusal to lower himself to murder. He also had the advantage of some real smarts, not just technical smarts. He could think through plans, rather then busting in and wondering what was next.

And on top of it all, he hadn't come up with some stupid-ass name as an alias. This, of course, left him wide open for Spider-Man's suggestions (How about Skunkules? Limburger Man? Captain Sweat Sock?).

In any case, this wielder of toxic fumes had thought through a decent escape plan for if and when everything was shot to hell. Which occurred about the same time the smartass in the red underwear had said "So, what's your secret origin? No, really, I'd like to know. Unless it involves gaining superpowers from a serving of irradiated beans. 'Cause if that's the case, then _please_ spare me the details!"

An extremely powerful knockout gas charge to one Titan would leave the others to worry over their fallen friend, providing an excellent distraction. The plan worked better then he hoped, the young heroes too interested in affirming that Raven was alright to notice his flight with two sacks of loot.

Spider-Man had been lightly wounded in the exchange, so Robin had asked him to be the one to take Raven back to the Tower to rest. He naturally agreed, and so there he was, bored out of his mind while the others hunted down the criminal.

Spider-Man silently flopped across a chair, doing his best to not wake Raven. Sure, they wanted her to return to consciousness, but that didn't mean she'd show any mercy to the cause of a rude awakening. He flipped the TV on and lowered the volume, then began channel surfing in a vain attempt to alleviate his boredom.

CLICK!

"And now, we add a pinch of oregano, adding more or less to fit your taste… Bam! Bam! Bam! Bam! Bam! Bam! Bam! Bam! What? I like oregano."

CLICK!

"We now return to 'Barney Meets the Crocodile Hunter'…"

CLICK!

"So on today's show, our topic is 'Schizophrenic cat-loving librarians with halitosis who think their spouses are cheating on them with their other personalities'…"

CLICK!

"And now for everyone's favorite game show, '**WHERE'S THE LLAMA?**'"

CLICK!

"Tonight at eight, 'When Rodeo Clowns Attack'! Don't miss it!"

CLICK!

Slap! Slap! Slap! Slap! Slap! Slap! Slap! Slap!

"'Sissy Ninjas' will return in a moment…"

CLICK!

A soft moan from the couch drew Spidey's attention away from the TV. Immediately, he was at Raven's side. "You okay? Need anything?"

Her eyes opened ever so slightly. "Mirror…"

"Uh, I meant more along the lines of something to drink or an aspirin or something, but whatever you say…"

Raven gave her head a tiny shake, and then winced at the pain the maneuver caused her. "My room… take… to room…" She fell silent again.

Okay, this was a new one. Raven only ever mentioned her room in the context of "I'm going to" and "Stay out of." Now she wanted him to take her there? That would require going in, and she had major issues about that. Oh, well.

Spidey gently lifted Raven off the couch, and a moment later set her down on her own bed. "You okay now? Need anything else? Or should I run like a squirrel before you become conscious enough to realize I'm in your room?"

"Mirror…"

"Again with the mirror. Since when do you worry this much about how you look?" There was only one mirror he could see, an ornate hand mirror sitting on the dresser. He grabbed it. "This the one?" A frantic nod. "Well, here you go." Spider-Man held the mirror before Raven's face. She stared into the glass like she would find the meaning of life in its depths, if only she could look hard enough. She reached up weakly, laying her fingers across her reflection-

And then a fair approximation of all hell broke loose. Spider-Man found himself holding a portal to destinations unknown, watching in stupefied horror as Raven disappeared into it. Oddly enough, his spider-sense hadn't spiked, but he was a bit too preoccupied to notice that. He could have sworn he saw what looked like a massive black talon dragging her to… wherever the hell it is you go when you get sucked through a mirror. All Spidey knew was that she probably wasn't in Wonderland.

He set the mirror on the bed, and backed away, not having a clue what he should do now. He could imagine the call to the other Titans now: "Guys! Raven just got eaten by her mirror!" "How many sodas did you have today?" What he didn't know was that two of the others would have understood exactly what happened, as Cyborg and Beast Boy had both been sucked through that same mirror already, and come back a little wiser with regard to why Raven acted the way she did.

Suddenly, the surface of the mirror swirled with a mind-boggling array of colors and shapes, before a pillar of the same dark light that signified Raven's powers surged outward. It seared through Spider-Man's eyes, leaving him with a glittering corona across his vision. It was like looking directly into a light bulb.

As the light receded and finally faded, Spidey could see a blurry form hovering over the bed. As his vision cleared, he saw that it was the shape of a person in a cloak- Raven!

"Raven? Wha…what just happened?! Where did you… why… why are you wearing purple?"

"It's my favorite color," The girl said as she lowered her feet to the floor. That was when Spider-Man noticed the next odd thing about Raven: she wasn't injured. And… was that an actual _smile_ on her face?

"Uh… Raven? Are you feeling okay? You're acting kind of… different."

"Actually, I always act this way. And I always wear purple."

"…"

Pseudo-Raven smiled a little wider. "Kind of slow on the uptake, aren't you, bugsy?"

"You aren't Raven!"

She sat on the bed, kicking back a bit. Spider-Man was astounded by how this imposter was identical to his teammate, yet acted totally different. Why wasn't she setting off his spider-sense? The real Raven had to be in danger… She waited until she was entirely comfortable before answering him.

"Not bad. You are correct, to a certain extent. I am not the Raven you know, yet I most certainly am Raven."

"Would you care to explain that, or should I just skip ahead to full-blown panic?"

"I am one of Raven's emotions taken form. You understand why she does the whole 'emotionless' Goth' thing, right?"

"Because her powers are sensitive to emotion. Any emotional stimulation, and stuff starts blowing up."

"Yeah. But the thing is, you can't be entirely emotionless, it can't be done. That mirror is a portal to the inner reaches of Raven's mind. She's out here, but we, her emotions, exist within there. The separation lets her live without continuously blowing up stuff."

"So why are you here now?"

"That gas grenade was too potent. Raven Prime will be out of it for hours, so we figured somebody should take over while she recovers. I'm Fun, nice to meet you face to face."

"Uhhh… likewise, I'm sure. Wait, fun isn't…"

"Emotion may be the wrong term. More accurately, we're states of mind."

"Oh. That makes sense, I guess… wait, no it doesn't. I'm talking to a mirror image, literally, of somebody who just got sucked into a mirror that is really a portal to that somebody's innermost psyche, and I'm worried about whether fun can be classified as an emotion. None of this makes sense!"

"Who cares?"

"Good point."

"Listen, in a few hours Raven will recover. Until then, I'm here. In the meantime, you want to get something to eat? I'm starving."

##########&&&&&##########

Shortly thereafter, after Raven (for all intents and purposes, that's who she was) and Spider-Man had gotten themselves situated with some sandwiches, Spidey started questioning her a bit more deeply as to how this whole separated mind thing worked. Across the course of their conversation, Spider-Man learned of the unexpected intrusion of Cyborg and Beast Boy through the magic mirror, and the battle against Anger.

"It was our combined might that finally locked anger away. Within the mirror, we can temporarily combine into one being and pool our strength. But if Cy and BB hadn't covered for us, things could have gotten really… bad."

Spider-Man blinked at hearing her use their nicknames, but didn't mention it. "So, it took all of you to beat back all of Raven's repressed anger? Huh. I heard bottling stuff that up was unhealthy, but I didn't realize it could get that out of hand. …Wait a second. You can combine?"

"Yeah. It doesn't last long, though."

"Why not?"

"Well, to tell the truth, I don't know. We rarely need to do it, and it takes a lot of concentration and effort to last even that long."

Spidey stopped to think for a few minutes before speaking again. "In theory, could you do it longer? If you concentrated hard enough?"

"…Maybe. What are you getting at?" Raven was starting to get a bit uneasy.

"Let me ask you something. Okay, so regular Raven blows up stuff when she loses her cool, right? Well, what about the rest of you? Happy, Sad, Angry, does stuff blow up around them? Nothing has while you've been here, so I bet it doesn't."

"You're right so far…"

"Okay, what if one of them were to feel some emotion other then the one they represent? Like if something made you angry, would stuff begin to explode against your will?"

"I would think so. Nothing like that's ever come up."

"But the combined you… a mixture of all emotions… could experience everything without…"

Whatever he was getting at was suddenly cut short by the arrival of the other Titans. While four of them looked pretty pleased with themselves, the leader looked absolutely miserable. Whatever had happened, Robin was not happy with it.

Spider-Man rose. "Back so soon? Did you catch him? And why does Fearless Leader look like somebody told him capes were out of style?"

"Don't call me Fearless Leader!" he snapped.

"Would you rather be Rocky the Flying Squirrel?" It was only after Raven said that (beating Spidey to the punch) that the others realized that something was not quite right with their resident Goth. One quick and rather simplified explanation later, Terra took it upon herself to explain why Rocky the Flying Squirrel was so P.O.'ed.

"Well, we almost had the guy, y'know? Robin was about to grab him, then he turned and used another one of his stupid gasses. Well, whatever it was, it apparently made whoever breathed completely panic. Robin ran screaming. It was hilari… terrible," she quickly amended, noticing Robin's glare. "Well, anyway, Starfire managed to catch the guy. But Robin won't stop sulking. And calling him Fearless Leader kind of adds insult to injury."

Robin muttered a string of curses that would have made a sailor gasp.

Spider-Man sat next to his leader and spoke seriously for once. "Boss, we're you're friends, and we don't care. We don't doubt your bravery. I was a chemistry ace in high school, and I know how easy it can be to screw around with a person's mind. Don't worry about it, okay?"

Everyone stared at him. They had never heard Spidey like this, and between that and the way Raven was acting, things seemed seriously messed up in the Tower. But the spell was broken when spoke next.

"On the other hand, as your friends, it is our sacred duty to make you feel as miserable about this as we possibly can." He turned to Cyborg and Beast Boy. "Come along, Patsy and Concord. I, being the genius that I am, have already devised a cunning plan to annoy the boss." The pair shared a worried glance, but followed him as he left the room. And within a few minutes, the Cyborg's stereo was booming a little ditty from a popular movie loud enough to be heard from anywhere in the Tower.

__

"Brave Sir Robin ran away,

Bravely ran away, away,

When Danger reared its ugly head,

He bravely turned his tail and fled

Brave, brave, brave, brave Sir Robin…"

"Okay, I'm really getting annoyed now…"

__

"Yes, brave Sir Robin turned about

And gallantly, he chickened out.

Bravely taking to his feet,

He beat a very brave retreat,

Bravest of the brave, Sir Robin.

__

He is packing it in and packing it up

And sneaking away and buggering up

And chickening out and pissing off home,

Yes, bravely he is throwing in the sponge..."

##########&&&&&##########

A few hours later, the original Raven was fully recovered. She remained within the mirror, knowing what would happen when Fun returned to the realm that was their collective thoughts. As soon as she did so, Raven called a meeting of the minds.

"You all know why we're here." Raven was right, they did all know. They shared knowledge, if not personality, whatever the one on the outside did the others knew about.

"Do you think it would work?" Happy asked cheerfully (like she could any other way).

"It's worth a shot," Brave pointed out.

Lazy sighed. "Too much effort."

"Oh, you would say that…"

The conversation went on like that for a while, before Raven and her emotions turned to the one who had thus far remained silent, yet who would be best able to determine if "it" would work: Intellectual.

"In my opinion… yes. Yes, in theory, it could be done. How stable would it be? That I couldn't say."

The minds all turned the original, the Raven in the blue cloak. There was a long silence as she thought. Eventually, she looked up and said quite simply "We'll do it. We have nothing to lose, and everything to gain. It may be a long shot, but I think the payoff would be worthwhile." She sighed. "I want a chance to live a normal life…" she caught the amused looks of the others. "…Relatively normal."

With that decided, the minds conferred and agreed to make their attempt that night. They would have begun then and there, but Raven said she had a few preparations to make before they could start. She left and asked Spidey to make sure the others knew she was not to be disturbed for any reason until she left her room.

The sun was beginning to set when Raven returned to her mirror. She and her emotions gathered into a circle, and the realm within her mind echoed with a droning chant. _Azarath Metrion Zinthos…_

##########&&&&&##########

Waking up hurt. When Raven regained full consciousness, she found herself in her room; unable to remember how she had gotten there. She looked around, seeking clues as to what time it was and what had happened to her. Out the window, the edge of the sun was peeking above the horizon. That meant it was either dawn or sunset. Raven glanced around her room, and froze as she realized there was someone with her. An unknown individual in a white cloak stood staring back at her from within the folds of a deep hood. Raven raised her arms and summoned her powers to attack the interloper, and only barely managed to stop herself from destroying the full-length mirror that hung on her door.

__

A mirror… that's me! She was wearing white. Her cloak was white, her clothes were white, there wasn't a shred of the blue she always wore normally. _Did Beast Boy try to do the laundry again?_ _Wait, a mirror… _Everything came rushing back to her now, the battle, the gas, the time in her mirror realm. What they had attempted. Raven brought her gaze back to the mirror and realized what she was seeing.

Raven sifted through her memories about everything that had happened since they went after the thief with the gasses. She thought about getting gassed, and felt a faint surge of anger. She remembered seeing the others crowded around her before she blacked out, and felt a tinge of sadness at how worried they had been, combined with a vague sense of pride and happiness that they cared.

She considered the uncountable wisecracks Spider-Man had unleashed against the easy target, how he'd easily dodged several chemical sprays while keeping civilians out of the way. She thought about how carefully he'd returned her to the Tower, how he made sure she was completely safe before tending to his own wounds. _He'd do that for any of us!_ she growled mentally, dismissing the errant train of thought.

The sight of Robin's face as he heard the song Spidey had chosen as punishment floated before her mind's eye, and Raven laughed as she thought about his latest prank.

Raven clamped a hand over her mouth and froze. She had laughed. She had expressed emotion, and nothing had been damaged. The hell with that, she had been expressing emotion._ It worked. It worked. It worked! _More laughter bubbled from between her lips as she realized that the plan she and her personalities concocted had proven successful. She reveled in the alien sound coming from her own mouth. With the greatest effort and concentration she could muster, Raven had joined her other minds into one whole, able to safely experience a full range of emotions. If they were right, she would stay a unified being for an extended period, needing only her normal routine of meditation to maintain the spell.

She didn't need to be the Goth, the ice queen, the stone wall. She could let others know how she felt without fear. And it was thanks to Spider-Man, who had pointed out the one thing all of the Ravens had overlooked: there really wasn't any reason she couldn't combine for more than a few minutes. They had all taken it for granted.

Raven looked out the window again. The sun had disappeared, meaning that it was late evening. _Wow, that didn't take nearly as long as I thought it would…_ Raven suddenly realized how hungry she was, but decided to change into one of her many blue cloaks before venturing out. After all, she should really ease her friends into the new her. Appearing before them acting cheerful and wearing white would probably inspire a round of heart attacks.

##########&&&&&##########

All activity stopped as Raven entered the living room. She looked at the lounging Titans, and they stared back at her wide-eyed. _Ease them into it. Act normally for now. _ She rolled her eyes. "What did Spider-Man tell you?"

"That anyone bugging you in any way for any reason would end up with a webbing enema."

"…Right. Well, I'm glad he got the message across." _I bet he meant it, too…_

"You're glad?"

"…It's an expression." _Close one._

Starfire gave her a curious look. "Friend Raven, is all well?"

"Uh… wh-why do you ask?"

"It has been three days since you last left your room. Are you certain all is well?"

Raven's jaw dropped. "Th…three days?! I thought it was only an hour or so…"

Robin looked up at her from his seat. "You didn't know? What were you doing in there?"

"…Meditating." In a manner of speaking it was the truth… "Where's Spider-Man? I need to talk to him," she said, hoping to change the topic.

"He went out to the city. Said something about the view reminding him of home," Cyborg answered.

"Oh… I'll go find him. I won't be too long." She grabbed an apple from the fruit basket for the road (_Three days without food? No wonder I'm so hungry…_).

##########&&&&&##########

It was a big city, and there were many places an individual could remain hidden. Especially if that individual could climb walls with his bare hands. It would be nearly impossible to hunt such a man in the concrete jungle, which of course is the reason Spider-Man had done so well in the Big Apple. He was good at making himself scarce, and it was hard to find him even if he wasn't hiding.

Of course, he'd never been tracked by an empath. An empath who knew his mental signature rather well. And who had, in case all else failed, a communicator with a built-in tracking display linked to the homing devices in all Titan communicators. For Raven, finding Spider-Man was laughably easy.

##########&&&&&##########

The woman was frightened. No, actually, scared witless might have been a better way to phrase it. Her companion (Husband? Boyfriend?) was trying valiantly, but he was no match for a half-dozen street thugs armed with a variety of crude- yet lethal- weapons. A few had switchblades, one had a length of pipe, and one had a gun. A cruddy little peashooter of a gun, but weapon quality was really only a cause for concern when the other guy was armed as well. The goons were demanding everything of value, and were making a few lewd remarks about the woman. This wouldn't end well.

Raven hovered twenty feet above the dark alley where this little urban drama was taking place, ready to plunge in and teach these punks a serious lesson in moral values. The only reason she hadn't already intervened was because she could sense Spidey close by, and she wanted to see him stopping a mugging in action. Reportedly, it was always a good show.

This instance proved no different. The first sign of his presence was his arms snaking out of the shadows, ready to clutch at the heads of two unlucky goons. It was rather amazing that somebody in such a bright uniform could be that stealthy... "At the sound of the gong, the time will be…" He smashed their heads together with a resounding _CRACK!_ "…Time to get into a safer line of work!"

It was over in a matter of seconds. Spidey leapt from his perch in the shadows, landing a kick on a third thug's face hard enough to slam him against the alley's far wall. Three down. Two more lunged forward with pipe swinging and knife stabbing. Spider-Man twisted around the knife and bent over backwards, a move that left the pipe whistling over his head. He snapped one boot up, catching the pipe wielder in the chin with a heavy blow. At the same time, he attached a webline to the knife-fighter's leg, and one jump later the punk was dangling from a streetlight. The last thug turned and ran, not even bothering with his gun.

Spider-Man helped the victims to their feet, checking if they were okay. They thanked him profusely, but noted that one mugger had escaped. "Oh, he hasn't escaped. When they catch me in a good mood, I sometimes like to screw with their heads and let them think they've gotten away. Now, if you could call the police and give them a statement, I'll have the runaway slaphead all gift-wrapped for them by the time they get here." With a hearty shout of "Tallyho!", he fired off a webline and zipped down the alley.

The thug staggered through the maze of alleys as fast as he could manage. His head was turned to watch over his shoulder, which is a really bad idea when the guy who's chasing you is really fast and can swing above you without your notice. The would-be mugger only realized this when he ran straight into somebody's chest, and the guy didn't even stumble back. "Oh, shi…"

"You really ought to watch your mouth." WHACK! The thug was out cold, and a moment later was piled on top of his fellows and bound with silvery webbing.

From her vantage point high above, Raven smiled. _He really is good at this._

##########&&&&&##########

Spider-Man sat on the edge of the tallest building in the city, pondering the various mysteries of life. He was rather oblivious to the world around him, his mind a million miles away. So much so, in fact, that he didn't notice as Raven sat next to him, letting her legs dangle over the roof's edge. She found this rather amusing, and leaned as close to him as she could. He didn't react. Approximating where his ear would be, she took a deep breath and… "BOO!"

"GYAAH!" He was so startled that he jumped too his feet… and off the roof. It was like something straight out of an old cartoon, Spidey even managed to look down and see what he had done before he started to fall. Raven leaned over to watch his descent, surprised that he was so high-strung. A moment later he was nearly back up to the roof, muttering loud enough for whoever had spooked him to hear.

"So there I am, plummeting to a squishy doom, right? And then just before I turn into street pizza, I remember that I have these nifty spider powers. And then I save myself. And now I'm going to find out who thought it would be a good idea to scare me out of my tights, and I'm gonna… Raven?"

"Hi! Just thought I'd drop by, but it looks like you have that all taken care of."

"… Oh, I get it. You're another one of Raven's emotions. Why are you here? Is regular Raven in trouble or something?"

"If I was just an emotion, why would I be wearing blue?"

"If you aren't just an emotion, how could you act so cheerful without blowing up stuff?"

"Maybe I took your advice."

"What advice?"

"What you were starting to say when my fun side was in control. A combined Raven could experience a full range of emotion without any problems. You didn't get to finish what you were saying, but I realized you were right. What you said helped me realize the one thing I had overlooked: there was no reason why I couldn't stay combined for a long time. I had always just taken it for granted."

"You mean it? You can feel emotion now?"

"Yes. And it's thanks to you. And… well, I just wanted to thank you for it." She scooted a little closer to him.

"Uh… you're welcome…"

"… I was hoping to thank you properly…"

Slowly, hesitantly, dealing with emotions she had really never experienced before, she drew closer to him. It was starting to percolate through Spider-Man's mind what she had meant by thank, and he shifted towards her. Raven lifted a hand to his face, lightly caressing a cloth-covered cheek. He seemed open to her advances (though it would have helped if she could see his face), so she took the next step. She raised the mask to the level of his nose, and leaned in for a soft kiss. He met her halfway there.

They were both nervous and inexperienced (one being a former ice queen and the other a high school chemistry nerd), but they managed themselves rather nicely. After a few seconds, they drew apart. They just looked at each other. Raven could feel that she was blushing heavily, and Spidey had a fairly goofy grin plastered on his face. She had a feeling that a similar smile etched upon her own visage.

They remained that way for a moment, silent, both of their minds screaming _say something you dummy!_ No words were necessary. At some unseen signal, they both leaned back in for another kiss, this one deeper, longer, a bit more passionate. Her arms wrapped around his neck, and his arms did likewise around her waist. Eventually, the need for air forced them apart. _Damn you, respiratory system…_

After a long pause, Spider-Man was the first to speak. "Y'know, I may be able to sense actions before they happen, but I did _not_ see that one coming."

"Truth be told, I actually hadn't planned on doing that when I came out here. I was just going to thank you, but you just looked so cute sitting here… and it's not like I have a whole lot of control over my emotions yet." Raven suddenly started giggling, and it seemed she couldn't stop.

"Uh, yeah, I kind of noticed. What's so funny?"

"Sorry, sorry, I… I just realized how silly this is." Spidey's ego deflated a little bit. "That's not what I meant! I mean, I finally can experience emotions safely. I found a guy I really like," she blushed slightly. "And all signs point to him liking me back," _He _blushed slightly. "I and I just realized I had a make-out session with a guy whose face I've never seen. Not that there's any thing wrong with that, but it seemed kind of funny at the time."

He gave her an amused look (she could tell by the grin) and said "That is kind of funny." He hopped to his feet, careful to avoid falling off the roof this time, and retreated a few feet back from the edge. Raven was worried that she had angered him, but quickly realized he just wanted to be out of sight of anyone below.

"You want to fix that?" He pulled off his mask, revealing his identity for the first time.

Raven gave a soft gasp. She hadn't expected him to do this, but she was glad he had decided to trust her with something of this magnitude. Not only that, but he was damned cute! Soft brown hair that fell past his eyes, and his eyes were a chocolate brown that made _her _want to melt.

He gave her a shy smile, and stretched out his hand. "Hi. I'm Peter Parker, nice to meet you…"

##########&&&&&##########

They sat there for another hour or so, Raven asking Spidey- _no, Peter_- about his childhood and life back in New York. He happily complied, telling her about his two real friends from back home, Mary Jane Watson and Harry Osborne. He told her about his Aunt May, about how he got his powers, and about a few of the villains he had thrashed (and occasionally a villain who had thrashed him). She didn't know it, but he avoided mentioning the death of his Uncle and his vow to never let something like that happen again. He didn't want to ruin the mood.

Raven was enthralled by his tales, and delighted in seeing a side of the team's sarcastic jackass that he rarely revealed. At the moment, though, she was laughing, a phenomenon both of them still found weird. "I still can't believe it. A spider? You got all of this power from the bite of a radioactive spider?"

"Radioactive, genetically engineered, and hopped up on experimental Super-Soldier serum. I'm just lucky it was a spider, though. What if it had been, I don't know, a mosquito or something?"

"You'd just be more annoying then you are now."

"Meany."

"Well, it's your fault."

"Hey, I gave you the idea, but that doesn't mean you need to go around hurting people's feelings."

"I learned from the best."

"Aww…"

"Yeah, Beast Boy is really good at that. Good thing he's around."

"What?!"

"Just kidding, you spaz! You're the funniest guy I know."

"Damn skippy I am."

They sat in silence for a few minutes. "Hey, Raven?"

"Hmmm?"

"Can I ask you a question now?"

"You just did, but I'll give you another." She hid it well, but she was truly afraid that he would ask about her past, a topic that she really didn't want to delve into. (A/N: Neither do I, because I'm no good at making that stuff up)

"What's it like to fly?"

Inwardly, she sagged with relief. "Oh. Well, you would have to ask Star or Beast Boy about that. I don't fly, I hover, and yes there is a difference."

"Maybe, but it still must be incredible to hover the way you do. Hundreds of feet above the ground, only your own force of will to keep you from falling… it must feel awesome."

"Well, it is fun, but the thrill starts to wear off after a while. But what about what you do? Now _that's_ amazing!"

"Huh?"

"When you go webslinging! Swinging over the city, only your reflexes and a rope the size of a strand of yarn to keep you from falling, it must be incredible!"

"Well, yeah. I can do it on autopilot most of the time, when I need to think about something, but when I focus on what I'm doing I still get a rush, even after all this time."

"I wish I could try that…"

"…You want to? Like now?"

"…Sure. Why not? But how?"

"C'mere." He picked her up like he was going to give her a piggyback ride. She put her arms over his shoulders, and he webbed them in place as a safety measure. "Welcome to Air Spidey, the only way to fly. In the very likely event of an emergency, exits are here, here, here, here, pretty much everywhere…"

"You have done this before, right?"

"Of course. In the event of a water landing, I can be used as a flotation device, and I must ask that all passengers refrain from using portable electronics and the power to fly during the trip as they could really throw me off balance and get us both killed. And by the way, I lied about doing this before. Reassured? Too bad. Off we go!" He crouched low and leapt at least thirty feet in the air, performed a triple-somersault, and dove off the edge of the tallest building in a city of tall buildings.

They gained speed quickly. Raven's cloak was flapping wildly behind them as the streets below grew larger. She didn't make a sound, but Spider-Man could feel her nails digging into his skin. They could see individual cars now. Raven was starting to wonder if this was a bad idea. They could make out individual people. Okay, this was definitely a bad idea. Rave was about to kick in her powers despite the warning not to when she heard a soft _thwip_, and then they weren't falling, they were swinging…

They were swinging along the center of the street. For a moment, they were pacing a car as they traveled along the long arc of the web, and Raven could see a little boy in the backseat look at them curiously. He seemed to be mentally debating whether he should bring this to his mother's attention, but thought better of it.

Spidey had cut it close. His butt was only a foot or so above the asphalt, but he could handle it. He had expected a shout, a yell, even a squeal from Raven, but she remained mute. Time to see if he could fix that…

They came to an intersection. As it happened, an 18-wheeler was crossing the street ahead, so Spider-Man used a second webline to make a course adjustment, and they slipped through the gap between the cab and the trailer with inches to spare on either side.

As their arc carried them back up, Spidey released his web-line and catapulted forward nearly the length of a football field. As they flew, he performed some of his best acrobatics (borrowed from the Spider-Man 2 game). The Daddy-Long-Legs Dance, the Roving Reporter, the Spinneret, and more. Still no response. He glanced over his shoulder to make sure she hadn't fallen off, fired off another webline, and continued deeper into the concrete jungle.

##########&&&&&##########

Ten minutes later, they returned to the roof they had begun at. Spider-Man landed softly and turned his head over his shoulder to check if his passenger was all right. Well, she was intact, that's always a good sign… He drew a small vial from where it was tucked in his sleeve. It contained a chemical of his own invention, a solvent for his webbing that didn't damage skin or clothes. BB and Cy had made a huge uproar when he had revealed its existence. (Cyborg: You pasted us to the ceiling and said you couldn't rip us down! Why didn't you use that stuff then? Spider-Man: How would that have been funny?)

He used the vial's contents to free her hands, and gently let her slide off his back. Her knees buckled a bit, and he had to catch her before she collapsed. She leaned against his chest for support, staring at him with wide eyes. She still hadn't made a sound since they had begun their little trip. Spidey was getting a bit worried. _Maybe going through a parking garage at sixty miles an hour was overdoing it a little…_

"Raven? Are you all right?"

"You're crazy."

"Haven't we already established that?"

"You are one hundred percent, certifiably, completely out of your mind and you belong in a rubber room somewhere."

"I know. Does this mean you didn't like it?"

"Are you kidding? Of course I didn't like it- I _loved_ it! That was incredible!" She jumped up, wrapping her arms around him.

"Oof! Glad to know you appreciate a little insanity now and then." She held him that way for a while, and he wasn't in any hurry to get her off. "So… what did you tell the others?"

"I didn't tell them what I did. I thought seeing me acting like a normal person would inspire cardiac arrest."

"Good move. So… they don't know…this could be fun."

"I'm thinking we tell them nothing and see how long it takes them to notice."

"Great minds think alike. Uh… would… would like to go see a movie sometime? My treat?"

"Why, Spider-Man, are you asking me on a date?"

"I… yeah. I guess I am. Believe it or not, I've never done that before."

"Really? Well, I'd be happy to go out with the smartest, funniest, cutest guy in the city…"

"You only say it because it's true."

"…Know where I could find him?"

"You're turning a real comedian, Rae."

"Ah, but you're assuming that I'm joking this time."

"…"

"Of course I'll go with you. I'd love to."

##########&&&&&##########

It was fairly late when they got back to the Tower. Suffice to say, it was late enough that their five teenage roommates had decided to go to bed. That's so late it's almost early.

The young couple (a rather novel-and strangely frightening-thought when applied to them) paused on the roof a moment longer and indulged in one more kiss before entering their home.

Spidey chuckled softly once they had reached the living room. "How long do you think it will take the others to notice?"

"I'm not sure. But let's not do too much to help them along, okay?"

"Sounds good to me."

"Well, I think I need some sleep if I want to avoid being a total zombie all day tomorrow. Good night."

"Hang on." He pulled her close and gave her one more long, deep kiss. "Good night."

She smiled at him, and disappeared down the hall to the bedrooms. Spidey watched her go, then flopped down on a chair with a happy sigh and an ear-to-ear grin. How lucky could a guy be? Well, the law of averages dictated that he had to stumble bass ackwards into a happy accident sooner or later…

##########&&&&&##########

A/N: Huh. That wasn't as bad as I had feared. This was only my second attempt at romance ever, and my first was rather forced and poorly done. I think I was able to establish a decent flow for this chapter.

Though I decided to hook Spidey and Raven up a long time ago, the reviews supporting the thought helped affirm that it was a good choice, assuming I could do a romance scene justice. I think I did, but that doesn't count because I wrote it.

I hope that at least some of you are happy with this.

The song was from Monty Python and the Holy Grail, for those non-nerds reading.

Oh, yeah, sorry I didn't have a decent fight scene in this one. There will be next time. And now, responses:

Metgear5: Thank you for your supportive words, and I like the way you think. In, fact I had already mapped out for a little "friendly visit" from our favorite overweight crimelord in the very next chapter, so I guess great minds do think alike.

Wyld Stallions: Maybe. If memory serves, I saw that comic in a store and had to leave before I finished it. By the way, if you could care less, doesn't that mean you do care?

Lordofpies: Well, thank you muchly! Don't worry, I plan on having Venom, Green Goblin, Black Cat, Doc Oc, Harry, and MJ all make appearances at one point or another. Black Widow, I'm afraid not. I've heard of her but I really have no idea who she is. See, I was never a huge fan of comics when I was younger, I only recently returned to them, so I've missed a lot.

X-Over: The Hulk is a pretty good idea. Daredevil isn't bad either, though I don't know why he would… I just realized how I could work in a cameo for him while I was typing this. No, really! I'll have him make a minor appearance in a later chapter, and we'll see about a larger role later. Blade… no. Sorry, but no. Truth be told, I've never seen the movies (please nobody review just to say watch the movie) so I really know nothing about him. If I feel inclined to watch the movies later and I like them, then maybe.

Well, that's one more whacked out idea taken care of, only a few billion more to go. See you next time!


	6. Bowling for Bad Guys

The New Guy

Disclaimer: God is my copilot, but the Devil is my bombardier.

A/N: First things first, I would like to apologize to Wyld Stallyns for getting your name wrong last chapter. I think I accidentally hit "change" during a spell-check, thereby "correcting" your name. I noticed after I posted the chapter, but it was too late by then. Sorry.

I have a promise to keep: If you like Spider-Man/Titans crossovers, I suggest the story Trust by CloudsHalo. It's pretty good, and now it's been completed, so no waiting for updates.

There's an obscure reference to an old but popular movie in this chapter. See if you can pick up on it!

I would also like to apologize in advance to any overweight readers for the series of rather scathing fat jokes contained herein.

Chapter 6: Bowling for Bad Guys

A week later, only one of the others had caught on to Raven and Spider-Man's little ploy. Robin, detective that he was, had quickly realized there was too many odd coincidences in a short span of time and confronted them about it. (Robin: Okay, you two have been acting really weird lately. Weirder than normal. What's really going on? Raven: 'Bout time somebody figured it out. Spidey: You might want to sit down for this one, boss-man…) The other Titans were still mostly clueless, which provided no end of amusement to all three of the others.

At the end of the week, everybody was goofing off in the normal manner in the living room. Beast Boy and Cyborg were racing on the Gamestation, and Spidey was waiting to play the winner. Starfire was attempting to cook (to the secret horror of everyone else), Raven was meditating at the window, Terra was reading a magazine, and Robin was leafing through the newspaper. Occasionally he would find an article of interest to one of the others and would read part of it out loud.

"'Krash Kings 8 for sale next week'…"

"What?!" Beast Boy's head whipped around. "I've been waiting for that game for months! Awes-" He was cut short by an electronic crash. "Hey! No fair!"

"Gotta pay more attention, little man." Cyborg chuckled lightly as he took the lead, passing BB's wrecked hovercar.

Robin turned the page. "'Wilson Fisk Donates to Police'…"

"_WHAT?!_" Spider-Man's head snapped around as Robin read more of the article aloud.

"'New York philanthropist Wilson Fisk has committed to donate a large sum to our local Police Department. Earlier today, the esteemed millionaire made a statement that wished to make a contribution to help people feel safe on the streets of their own city. Since our fair town has a crime rate second only to Gotham City within the nation, he has decided to put forward his best effort here.' I guess he didn't choose Gotham because Bruce Wayne already donates a lot there, so…"

"Fisk?! Here?!"

Terra glanced up at Spidey, who had nearly fallen from his perch on the ceiling in shock. "What's wrong with that? I've heard of this guy, and he sounds like a saint."

"Yeah, Saint Tubby the Wide of Bubble-Butt City. Trust me, this is a bad thing. Is he actually coming to town?"

"Yeah, he'll be here for a week. There'll be a presentation ceremony, a formal dinner, a tour of the Police Department, and a few more meet-and-greet opportunities. Why are you so worked up about this?"

Spider-Man hopped to the floor. "Damn. If he's coming here, that's really bad. He never likes to leave New York, he's always paranoid about what goes on behind his back. And trust me, you could have a film festival, two carnivals, and a three-ring circus behind his back. Not to mention the trouble it would be to get his ample ass across the country. Seriously, when he hauls ass he needs to make three trips."

"Okay! He's fat! We get the point! Why are you so worried about him coming for a visit?!"

"Robin, let me ask you something. Back in Gotham, was there some rich guy who everybody loved? Who always donated obscene amounts of cash to charity? But everybody also knew he was the most powerful crime lord in the city, and that despite the lack of any viable evidence it was obvious that the lion's share from half the crime in the city found its way into his pockets?"

"Yeah. Rupert Thorne." Robin spat out the name like it was a curse.

"Double his height, triple his weight, and shave him bald. That's Wilson Fisk."

"Are you sure about this, man?" Cyborg's attention was fully on Spidey now (He had remembered to pause the game). You're sure this guy's a crimeboss? 'Cause if you're wrong-"

"I'm not wrong, and he's not just a crimeboss. He's New York's Kingpin of Crime. If it happens in the Big Apple, he gets a piece of it. If he doesn't, people get found face down in alleys. He just donates so he has the influence to keep his name cleared."

Robin sighed and put the newspaper down. "Well, what are we supposed to do about it? Neither of us are vigilantes anymore, man. We're a public service team, and part of our funding comes from city taxes. Hell, they're probably going to slate part of this donation to us." He shifted, giving Spider-Man a penetrating stare. "We can't spy on him to get proof of dirty deeds, and you're assuming he does have an ulterior motive here. We can't do anything."

"Correction: _You_ can't do anything."

"Huh? Spidey, you're a Titan. You're just as bound as we are."

"Wanna bet? I'm the new guy. The unknown article. The loose cannon. And I have a bit of a history of getting on Lardo's nerves. If I get busted, which I won't, just claim the rest of you had no knowledge of it."

Robin was still a bit doubtful. "I still don't know if I want you to do this."

"Think of it this way: I don't care. I vowed to do my damnedest to bring Fisk down. If you tell me not to try and stop whatever he's planning, I'll just do it behind your back."

Raven studied him for a moment. "You act like you have a personal vendetta against this guy. Why?"

Spider-Man gave her a long, hard look. "One of his men killed someone very important to me. It's part of the reason I started this whole Spider-Man thing."

Everyone got kind of quiet. Robin stood up, walked over to Spider-Man, and stood there for a moment with merely a foot between them. "If you're going to go after this guy in violation of a direct order…then all I can say is good luck." Several sighs of relief were audible across the room. "He'll be here Wednesday. Do what you need to, but don't get caught."

The theme to _Mission: Impossible_ began to play. Everyone's eyes were drawn to the music's source, which happened to be Cyborg and his built-in MP3 player. Beast Boy cleared his throat. "Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to spy on a big fat guy until you can prove that he's a scumbag. If you should be captured, the Titans will disavow any knowledge of your existence. This message will shut up in… now."

##########&&&&&##########

Raven sat on Spider-Man's bed, watching him work at his lab bench. The Tower's lab was suited for forensic work, not chemistry, so he had established a mini-lab of his own in a corner of his room. At the moment, he was preparing a new batch of web solvent.

"So, what do you plan to do when Fisk gets here?"

"I'm not sure yet. I guess just wait for an opportunity to present itself."

"That's just vague enough to work."

"I have a general idea, but it's the sort of thing you need to make up as you go. I have an established list of Do's and Do Not's when I'm dealing with him, that'll help."

"For example?"

"Do not sneak into his office searching for incriminating documents. He isn't dumb enough to keep them there, and he is smart enough to have security cameras installed. Most likely, you end up electrocuted, unmasked, and chucked off a skyscraper. I was just lucky that it was so early in my career that that happened, so he didn't realize how dangerous I would be to him later. To him, I was just some punk kid not even worth finishing off."

"You know things are bad when something like that constitutes good luck."

"On the other hand, Do break into his building's security center and steal the security tapes that show my face and that also happened to catch several dozen rather heinous and highly illegal acts."

"You got away with something like that? Impressive."

"From what I heard, he had to spread around upwards of three million bucks just to be able to show his face in the country after I got those tapes to the FBI. Satisfying, but it still bugs me that he got away at all. I mean, for cryin' out loud, the first tape showed him crushing a guy's skull with his bare hands! You get caught doing that, you're supposed to go to prison!"

"His bare hands? I thought he was fat. How could he be strong enough to do that?"

"He's not really 'pass the donuts' fat, he's more 'ha, your bullet only hit belly fat, prepare to die' fat. Dude's huge."

"Oh." Raven studied some of the room's décor as Spider-Man returned to work. A number of framed newspaper clippings on the wall caught her eye, most of them about Spider-Man. The headlines all proclaimed the newspaper to be the Daily Bugle, and the headlines were all… well, rude would be an understatement. _New York Fears Spider Bite. Masked Menace Terrorizes City. Spider- Crook. Spider-Man A Fraud_… they went on and on.

Each clipping included a fantastic, up-close photo of Spider-Man performing some heinous act, like taking a little kid's balloon (that's what the caption said, the child's smile suggested he was returning an escapee). In another, he was fighting a man Raven recognized as Doctor Octopus. In another, it was somebody in green body armor, a devilish mask, and riding a powered glider. The next… what was that thing? A giant red booger? The caption called it "Carnage"…

The article second from the left actually had a lousy photo of Spider-Man from very far away. Closer examination revealed that it was really a bird, despite what the headline said. A small ad in the corner of the page proclaimed a cash reward for pictures of the freak, Spider-Man. _He wouldn't…_ She looked back at the other pictures. Every photo except for the one of the bird had a byline that proclaimed _Photo by Peter Parker…_

Raven turned and stared at Spidey in amused disbelief. He was still too focused on his chemicals and notes to notice what she had been looking at. "You little weasel…"

"Huh? Oh, that… well, I had to pay the bills somehow, didn't I?"

"Considering what this editor seems to think of you, it was a nice bit of irony that he was signing your paychecks."

"Yeah, I bet ol' Triple-J would have had a coronary if only he knew."

"Triple-J?"

"J. Jonah Jameson. He was the editor. It was great to work for him. He was patient, nice, reasonable, always waited for proof before printing anything…"

"Really?"

"No. He was the surliest, meanest SOB in a city full of surly, mean SOB's. I actually don't think he had a grudge against me personally, he was just more interested in money then truth. Slander sells, especially when the guy you're slandering can't step forward and prove you wrong."

"Hmm… I don't think I could have allowed that sort of thing to go on. I'd find a way to 'persuade' the guy to give it a rest, one way or another…"

"Wouldn't work. If your 'persuasion' worked, you'd be breaking the law. Especially if it involved any sort of blunt and/or sharp instruments. If he called your bluff…"

"Who said I would be bluffing?"

"… If he called your bluff, that would just be more ammo for them. _Psycho Goth Chick Threatens Journalist_… _Claims Free Speech is for Saps…_not worth it."

"Oh, come on, you're telling me you never did something to get back at this jerk?"

"I never said that. I only said I never threatened him."

"Fine, how did you get back at him without threats or pummeling?"

"Simple. I humiliated him in public. I gain a little satisfaction, he doesn't dare print the story."

"And you did what?"

"I strolled down the street in costume, and stopped him outside the building just as he was going in to work. So I said, 'Hey, aren't you J.J. Jameson, Editor-In-Chief of the Daily Bugle? The guy who's been printing that total garbage about me just to sell newspapers?' Man, the look on his face… priceless. He probably thought I was going to rip him in half… so I said, 'I've only got one thing to say to you… love the paper. It's hysterical.' And I leap over his head and climb away up the building."

Raven looked almost disappointed. "That's it?"

"Well, just about when he tried to go inside, he discovered that I had webbed his foot to the ground without him noticing." He snickered softly. "I'm told his forehead cracked the sidewalk instead of the other way around."

"Now _that's_ more like it! You really are a maniac, you know that?"

"It has been suggested. Repeatedly."

"Well, now I know why the Justice League burdened us with you. It was so we could keep you away from anything sharp and pointy."

"It could be worse."

"Oh? Care to enlighten me as to how, great and powerful Master of Disaster?"

"They could have sent Freakazoid instead."

Raven paled. "Bite your tongue!"

(A/N: So help me, I could not bring myself to inflict the living wad of crazy-as-hell known to the masses as Freakazoid upon the Teen Titans, or anyone else for that matter. Yet. But if someone managed to choke down the silliness that would be forever etched upon their soul with a dull putty knife and wrote such a story, and did a good job of it, I would forever be their greatest fan. Send me a review or something if you do it, so that I know! Okay, if someone starts a story like that and tells me, I'll dedicate a chapter to them. Please?)

##########&&&&&##########

Wilson Fisk arrived in town later that week to great fanfare and blatant ass kissing. And as Spider-Man had said, there was plenty of ass to go around. He was blissfully unaware, however, that one of the biggest of the thorns in his side was waiting for his chance.

When Spider-Man had made his ultimatum to Robin, everyone had assumed that he was going to act like the brash young leader did over Slade once his target came to town. Meaning they thought he would obsessively follow the fat man, study every gesture he made, and snap at anyone who intruded on his watch. Surprisingly, he didn't.

If you thought about it, it really wasn't that surprising. Spidey knew he wouldn't learn anything by watching Fisk during the day, the Kingpin was too careful about keeping up his façade of the generous businessman. Instead, he perched outside the window of Fisk's hotel room each night, waiting for some sort of clandestine meeting. If Fisk left, Spider-Man would follow. If Fisk ended up at a restaurant, Spidey called it a night. The living mountain never met with anyone during a meal.

Still, all this led to Spidey pulling a lot of all-nighters. Raven often found herself falling asleep in the living room waiting for him. He would return a bit later, and gently carry her to her room, where she would awake the next morning not sure how she got there.

Persistence has a way of paying off. After a few nights, the Titans minus Spider-Man were goofing off in the living room. Raven was supposedly reading her book of depressing poetry, but she was really wondering how her boyfriend was doing. As if in response to her unspoken question, she felt a familiar presence within the area of the Tower. She could sense that Spider-Man was on the roof, but he stayed up there for far longer then he usually would. Maybe he was injured, or needed to think about something or was angry… no, she could feel the joy radiating from him like a beacon. Well, there was one way to find out what was up…

Raven stood and left the room. Only Robin noted her departure, and he could guess where she was going. When she reached the roof, she was greeted by the strangest sight she had ever seen, even in all of her years as a demonic sorceress super-heroine.

Spider-Man was on the roof, all right. He was also dancing. He was dancing on the roof. And he wasn't even any good at dancing. He was currently doing something resembling The Monkey, but not quite. He switched to the Robot, then the Swim… it went on for a few minutes, mostly because Spidey had his back to the door and hadn't noticed her arrival. Raven couldn't help it. She doubled over laughing, but he didn't stop.

Once Raven regained her composure, she watched him for another moment and asked, "_What_ are you doing?" One must admire her restraint. She could have asked "What the flippin' hell do you think you're doing dancing like a chimp on speed?" but she didn't.

"I'm doing the happy dance! Care to join me?"

"I'll pass. Does this little display mean you got something on Fisk, or is this how spiders attract mates?"

"Got you up here, didn't it?"

Raven flinched as she realized that she had stepped right into that one.

"On a slightly more serious note, yes, I did get something on our favorite fat man. In two days, I'm busting him wide open, and then I'm going to enjoy picking up all of the treats that fall out."

Blank stare. Spidey sighed. "That was supposed to be a pinata joke."

"I know. It just wasn't funny. Why wait a day?"

"Because tomorrow he's forking over that check to the city. I want that sucker cashed before I bust fatty's ass."

"Will you need any help?"

"Mmm… nah. I've got it covered. You and the others are welcome to come along to point and laugh, though."

"At you or Fisk?"

"Very funny." He was still dancing.

##########&&&&&##########

Two days later, Spider-Man left the Tower for a date with a morbidly obese businessman. The others were instructed to watch the news for "the show of a lifetime", to use Spidey's own words. After he disappeared into the urban jungle, Robin turned to Raven and Beast Boy. "Follow him. You don't need to hide or anything since he invited us along, but keep an eye on him. Stop him or help if he gets in over his head."

##########&&&&&##########

Fisk walked down the steps in front of the Town Hall building, the mayor at his left, the Chief of Police at his right, and three bodyguards (or enforcers, to more accurately describe their actual jobs) behind them. These three were the best Fisk had at his immediate disposal, super-powered mercenaries not included.

All three glorified thugs were in business suits, but only the smallest, "Fancy Dan" Crenshaw, looked at all comfortable in his attire. After all, he was called Fancy because he wore such clothes on a daily basis. There were twin bulges under his jacket; the well-maintained automatic pistols that were his preferred weapons nestled snugly in their holsters.

His slightly taller compatriot, known only as Montana, tugged at his necktie. Finding it unwilling to loosen up, he settled for fanning himself with his hat, a well-made chapeau fit for a cowboy. Not the stupid ten-gallon cartoon kind, the kind a rancher wouldn't be mortified to be seen in. "How do you wear these things? I can't even breathe in this damn suit!" He placed his hat back atop his head, and checked that his own preferred weapon was still safely tucked away. Yup, the ten-foot bullwhip was still in place.

"Aw, they're not so bad, Monty. I could get used to this," Ox said lightly. This guy was tremendous, at least seven feet of solid muscle. He didn't use a weapon. He didn't need one.

Dan laughed softly. "Loosen up, Montana. It's a beautiful day, we're getting paid just to follow the boss, and we're outta the Big Apple. Think about it…" he lowered his voice, "…No Spider-Man!"

Later, the blame for what happened next was placed squarely atop Dan's shoulders.

##########&&&&&##########

The mayor was babbling on endlessly, dwarfed by the gigantic man beside him. Fisk was at least seven feet tall, and his broad shoulders and thick arms were layers of fat and muscle. His diamond-topped cane tapped against the ground with every step, the numerous weapons and gadgets contained therein hidden to the outside world. As he walked down the stairs in his custom tailored white suit, Fisk considered the past week.

Wilson was feeling pretty pleased with himself. His latest donation would keep him in good standing with authorities nationwide for some time. The fact that it was the local police being paid meant that, between the boys in blue and those "Teen Titans" Fisk kept hearing about, local crime lords would have their hands full. His, ahem, "business" dealings that were the real reason for his visit had proved quite fruitful. And those do-gooder Titans couldn't touch him, because A. they were public service, not vigilantes, and B. they didn't even know Fisk was "allegedly" a criminal overlord. And best of all, there was no chance that those pests Daredevil or Spider-Man could ruin things for him. Life was good.

The chief was a bit less in awe of Fisk, so he was actually more worth listening to then the mayor. At the moment, he was saying, "Heh. With this donation, we might be able to give the Teen Titans a break."

The mayor was immediately in agreement. "Oh, yes indeed! Those kids do a wonderful job defending the city, but I'm sure they must feel in over their heads what with the amount of crime on the streets. Even if they do have that new team member of theirs."

"New member? You mean Terra?" Fisk inquired absently, more to have something to say then from any real interest.

"Oh, no. Their other new member. There are seven Titans now." Fisk hadn't paid much attention to the local news, so he hadn't heard about this individual. Heads were going to roll when he got back home though; the report he had been given on those potential troublemakers ha said there were only six.

"Surprised you hadn't heard, though," The chief added. "He's from New York. You've probably met him, or at least seen him."

Wilson was starting to get a seriously bad feeling about this. A teenaged superhero from New York City? There weren't many of those running around…

"Uh… who is this fellow?"

"He's a total nut! The good kind, though. Real sense of humor. Calls himself…"

"_Hiya_, Willie!" Oh dear lord no…

The most obnoxious being to ever enter Fisk's sight had just made his presence known. Spider-Man leapt down from his perch on the building above and landed lightly before the group on the steps. "Long time no see!"

"Not long enough…" Fisk ground out from behind clenched teeth.

"What was that, Willie? You sound like you aren't happy to see me. Well, I guess that's natural considering the number of times I've gotten you arrested for conspiracy, homicide, extortion, fraud… y'know. The works. But I gotta ask: Have you been working out? You look… well you look like a bucket of lard on a bad day, but less so then normal."

The mayor was beside himself, not understanding what this hero was doing, insulting a wealthy contributor to the city. "Spider-Man, what are you doing? Do you know who this man _is_?!"

"Of course I do. He's Wilson Fisk, Kingpin of Crime in New York City, overlord of all shady dealings within twenty miles of the Big Apple, and reigning champion of the 'Fattest Sack of Crap in the World' contest for thirty years running."

"I will have you know that I have never once been convicted of so much as a parking ticket, much less any of those heinous crimes you have slandered me with!"

"That's because you throw around enough cash to buy a small country every time I bring in evidence against you. I have already realized that nothing I can do to you could ever bring you to justice, you'll always slither through the cracks and buy your way out of any trouble you're in."

"And if that's the case, then do persist in slandering me so?!"

"Because it's fun. And because you turn such an interesting shade of purple when you get mad. You fatty-fatty-fat-fat-tubby-tubby-tub-of-lard-fatso of a fat man, you."

Fisk was currently turning the shade of purple Spidey had mentioned. The mayor was flabbergasted (A/N: I love that word. Say it with me! Flabbergasted), the chief looked entirely amused, and the enforcers were terrified beyond speech. They had been looking forward to _not_ getting their butts kicked by a kid in long underwear for once.

"I think I'll get straight to the point. Do you remember when you said _this_?" Spider-Man produced a pocket tape recorder from somewhere, and thumped the play button.

"…and exactly what sort of equipment is it you require?" Fisk's voice boomed out of the recorder's speakers. The response was soft, quiet, and the voice was all too familiar.

"I believe this file should tell you everything you need to know."

"…Indeed. It seems you intend to conquer a small nation."

"Or perhaps a large city. Can you provide the weapons?"

"Of course I can provide you with the weapons. However, it will not come cheaply…"

"Of course."

"And what, pray tell, do you intend to do with such entirely destructive armaments?"

"I do not recall divulging my reasons as part of our deal. Although I do not hesitate to tell you that phase one is to destroy those insufferable Titans."

"Of course. Such beings would certainly be a fly in the ointment to a plan such as this. Rest assured, Mr.…"

"Slade. Just Slade."

"Rest assured, Slade, that with the technology I provide you could destroy even the Justice League."

Spidey turned the recorder off. "Well?"

Fisk had dropped the purple-faced bit, and had gone completely pale. He was busted. He was so busted that he was surprised that Spider-Man hadn't already made a Humpty Dumpty joke. He barely noticed the horrified stare the mayor was shooting his way, or the smirk on the chief's face. It was going to take another small fortune to make that tape disappear, and it would be months before he could resume business as usual.

Oh, to hell with it. One more try couldn't hurt, could it? He turned to his enforcers. "Get him!" They stared at him like he was a total loon before reluctantly following orders.

Raven and Beast Boy dropped from the rooftop they were watching from, landing next to Spider-Man. The thugs stopped, realizing that their odds, abysmal as they already were, had just gotten worse.

"Hi, guys. Came along to watch the fireworks?"

Beast Boy grinned. "Yup. Robin wanted us to make sure you didn't get in over your head."

"Do you have so little faith in me as to think I can't handle a couple of yahoos like these idiots?"

"No. We just didn't want you hogging all the fun."

Beast Boy stared at Raven for a minute after she said that. The only time he'd ever heard her say something like that, or have that battle-hungry look in her eyes for that matter, was within the confines of the magic mirror. He dismissed the thought for the time being, focusing back on the now emboldened thugs.

Raven found herself squared off against Fancy Dan and his twin automatics. He managed to squeeze off three rounds, all of which were stopped dead against Raven's mental shield, before she smirked and willed the weapons to collapse in his hands. One of the larger pieces of the formerly deadly weapons rose by its own accord (or so it seemed) and clocked Dan in the back of the head. He went down hard and stayed there.

Beast Boy took the form of a lion and faced down Montana. The enforcer's whip cracked, and Beast Lion hopped back by a few feet. Montana snapped the whip again, barely managing to keep the changeling at bay. He managed to keep that up for a few minutes, but before long Beast Lion leapt upon Montana, ignoring the whip's stinging caress. He shifted to the form of an anaconda and wrapped himself around the thug, positioning his serpentine face right in front of Montana's nose. He bared his teeth, hissed menacingly, and slowly began to add pressure… until Montana screamed and passed less then a second later.

That left Spidey to deal with the Ox. That didn't last long. Wham, bam, thank you Sam. Ox stood triumphant over the unconscious body of the fallen hero.

Just kidding. Spidey beat the tar out of the giant.

Fisk stood alone. The mayor and he chief had backed away from him, watching as three rather skinny and not-at-all-dangerous seeming teenagers completely humiliated three professional bodyguards. Spider-Man webbed the unconscious thugs together, and turned toward the living mountain. He knew it wasn't over. Fisk never went down without a fight.

He was right. A tingle on the back of his neck provided just enough warning to jump out of the way of the business end of a diamond-topped cane, swung with such force that the gem cracked the pavement where it struck. "I am so entirely sick of you." Fisk was once again purple with rage. He swung his cane again, and Spidey once again dodged the strike.

"Aw, Willie, now that isn't nice! You keep that up and somebody might get hurt!"

Fisk was moving far more swiftly then his bulk would suggest. He was swinging rather wildly as he ranted, but with enough skill to prove that he knew how to handle a weapon. "If there is one thing I could accomplish, one achievement that would let me die a happy man, it would be to silence your endless _babbling_!"

"Really? Well, if that's the case… fatty fatty tubby tubby chubby fat fat lardy lardo tub of lard fatso fatty chubby chunky tubby chubby spare tire fatty fatty fatso fat fat fat. When you run, they measure the speed on the Richter scale. Thanks to you, Baskin Robbins is down to three flavors. If you went out in platform shoes, you'd come back in flip-flops…"

Fisk let out an inarticulate howl of rage, and attacked all the more wildly for it. Even Spider-Man was hard pressed to dodge the series of blows, any one of which could have taken his head off.

"Now I'm annoyed. I told you someone was going to get hurt." Spidey snatched the cane from Fisk's ham-sized hand in mid swing. He twisted the reinforced metal of the last-ditch-weapon into a pretzel. "And you _had _to have realized I meant _you_."

He dodged a massive fist. "I'm gonna hit you with the biggest thing around… you." Spidey grabbed the fat man's collar, put his other hand on Fisk's belly, hauled back, and _threw_. Fisk sailed straight up to a distance of about ten feet, and came straight back down. He left a crater shaped like a massive ass in the marble staircase of the Town Hall.

Spidey tossed the pocket recorder to the chief. "There you go. Do the right thing with that, will you?"

Fisk groaned, and looked at the chief. "I have a checkbook right here, and I can put all kinds of numbers in it if that tape disappears…"

The chief was tempted. Anyone in his right mind would be. But then he felt the scrap of paper webbed to the small device he was holding, written in case of just such an eventuality: "There are a dozen more copies of this tape, and I have a video camera recording this whole thing from the roof."

"You have the right to remain silent…"

Beast Boy stepped forward. "Can I? I haven't had the chance to make any fat jokes yet."

"Oh, alright. Make it quick."

"You have the right to remain tubby. Anything you eat can and will be used against you in the court of Weight Watchers…"

##########&&&&&##########

The three heroes watched as Fisk was loaded into a paddy wagon. Since he took up so much space, his thugs had to be put in another van for transport to the police station's holding cells.

Raven smirked at the crime lord, despite knowing he would once again be at large within a week. "And you would have gotten away with it, too, if it weren't for us meddling kids."

"And the dog," Beast Boy added before turning into a Great Dane.

After the police had cleared out, leaving the mayor to explain to all of the news teams that had shown up what the hell had happened, the three Titans regrouped on the roof of the Town Hall. Beast Boy turned to the others. "Okay Raven, what's the deal? How did you make a joke down there?"

"Simple. I thought of something that seemed funny, and said it out loud."

"And since when do you do that? In fact, you've been acting kind of weird for a while now… ever since you spent those three days cooped up in your room. And you two have been hanging out a lot… what's going on?"

The two stared at him for a minute before turning to each other, acting as if he weren't there.

"Y'know, I expected that Robin would figure it out first, but I'm surprised Beast Boy noticed before Cyborg or Terra."

"Even Starfire would have noticed, I would think. This is unexpected."

"What?! Figure what out?!"

Raven smiled at him. It took him a few seconds for Beast Boy to process what he was seeing, in that time, Spider-Man spoke up. "You noticed that Raven wasn't acting normal."

"Actually, that I am acting normal. Normal person type normal." The two gave Beast Boy a simplified account of what happened last week, leaving out a few key details.

"You've got to be kidding me… you've been normal for a week? And you didn't tell us?"

"Nobody asked except Robin."

"Let's not worry about it for now, alright?" Spidey looked around. "Looks like our work here is done. Want to grab some pizza?" The others agreed, and all three made their way to the pizzeria with the full knowledge that Raven's transformation would be public knowledge in the Tower by this time tomorrow. Beast Boy never could keep anything to himself.

##########&&&&&##########

Far away, on the outskirts of town, a lone figure robed in shadows studied the city before him. He had traveled far to get here, and now his target was nearly in his grasp. But there was a complication. The target now had several powerful allies, more then even the shadow's prodigious might could overcome. He'd need to find a few comrades of his own if revenge was to be his.

The figure cast one more spiteful glare at the city before him before slinking off to locate prospective allies. A long, serpentine tongue writhed between a mouthful of three-inch fangs as the death-dealer hissed a quiet promise. "Soon, little spider, soon…"

##########&&&&&##########

A/N: Sorry this took me so long to post. Essays combined with writer's block can really slow things down. Well, next chapter is the special Halloween edition! I want to have it up by Halloween, so be sure to send me lots of motivation (reviews are accepted, but cash is preferred).

Here's some feedback to your feedback:

Metgear5: After reading your review, I sat there for a whole three minutes as scenes of incredible carnage and mindless destruction flickered in front of my mind's eye. All I have to say to your suggestion is this: **_BRILLIANT!_** A mercenary? Perfect! I had thought of the ol' unstoppable pants before, but dropped the thought because I couldn't work out how to include him reasonably. I can't do a chapter like that for a few chapters because the next few need to follow a specific order, but I'm definitely going to do that eventually! **_BRILLIANT!_**

Super Saiyan Jesus: In case you couldn't tell, I'm leading up to one of those guys making an appearance. But the main reason I'm responding to you is to say that you have the coolest pen name ever!

Wyld Stallyns: Just wanted to say sorry again for the misspelling thing. You've never seen Monty Python and the Holy Grail? Go! Go rent it right now, and no more (something you rather enjoy) until you see one of the greatest films to be made by British people ever. Seriously. It's rather humorous.

Hopefully, the next chapter will be up before long.

Oh, and I'm not kidding about that Freakazoid thing. Somebody write something like that, and I'll dedicate a chapter to you.


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